The Hardest Thing of All
by Sweet Mercy
Summary: Sequel to Chasing Perfection. Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry’s lover, Severus. SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL
1. Animal Noises

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**The Hardest Thing of All**

**Chapter One: Animal Noises**

If it hadn't have been for the cooling charm that had been placed about the room, the glaring heat shining through the window would have been unbearable. As it was, Harry was able to sit quite comfortably in the large squishy armchair, baby in lap and book in hand. Birds were singing in the trees outside and children were nattering to each other as they made their way home from school, but Harry's attention was solely focused on his son as he flicked through his favourite picture book.

"And this is a picture of a moo-moo cow," said Harry, turning the page. "And what do moo-moo cows say? They say mooooo."

Tristan's face lit up and he giggled. "Mu!"

Harry smiled to himself and pointed to the next picture.

"And this little one here is a cat," he said. "And what do cats say? They say meow! Meow!"

"Mow!" he squealed excitedly, hitting the book with his tiny hands. "Mow!"

"That's right," he chuckled, turning the page again. "And this fluffy white one here" he said, "is a sheep. And we all know what sheep say, don't we? Sheep say Baa! Baaaa!"

"Ba!"

"Yes, that's right," Harry encouraged. "Baaa!"

"Ba!"

He turned the page one last time and pointed to the picture there. "I wonder what this one is," he said against Tristan's ear. "I think this must be a ducky duck. And ducky ducks say…quack! Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!"

Tristan squealed with joy as Harry inundatedhim with kissing and quacking and he broke into laughter when the tickling began. Only when the door opened did his father let up the attack.

"Are you entertaining the baby or yourself?"

Harry pulled away from his son and looked up with a grin.

"Severus," he smiled, "I didn't hear you come in. What time did you get back?"

"Just now," he said, coming into the room. He watched fondly as his giggling son calmed down and Harry shifted him in his lap.

"So how did the meeting with the publisher go?"

"Fine," he said. "I should have the book finished within the next couple of months, giving the editors more than enough time to go through it. It's scheduled to be released next summer and it's already been given a place on the Hogwarts reading list."

"Oh Severus, that's fantastic!"

"Yes, well," he crossed him arms, "It's not really all that surprising, given how good my knowledge of Defence Against the Dark Arts is."

Harry rolled his eyes with a smile. "I love that you're so modest."

"Speaking of books…" he said, ignoring Harry and nodding towards the book on the arm of the chair; "Do you _have_ to read him that?"

Harry shrugged, puzzled. "Why shouldn't I? He loves it when I make the funny noises."

"Exactly," Severus said. He sighed when Harry continued to look confused. "The only thing my son can say is the noises animals make! Don't you think it's about time he learnt some real words? I don't want him to go through life 'baa-ing' and 'mooing' you know."

"Mu!" Tristan chipped in.

Harry laughed.

"Oh, Sev, lighten up. He's five months old! To say the things he does at his age is pretty good in itself! You can't seriously expect him to start throwing out words like 'aconite' and 'wolfsbane' can you?"

"All I'm saying is that it wouldn't hurt for him to learn how to say 'daddy' or 'father' like any other normal child."

Harry looked up at him as if he'd gone mad. "You want our five month old son to say 'father'? He's not a Malfoy you know."

"No," Severus agreed. "But he _is_ a Snape and as such he will learn to be a well-spoken young man."

"Well thank the Lord he has the Potter genes to contradict that."

"We'll see about that," huffed Severus. He held out his arms. "Give him here then. I'll put him down for his nap whilst you get the tea on. We'll have to go shopping tomorrow but there should be some pasta in the cupboard."

"Can't we just order in a pizza or something?" Harry suggested.

Severus gave him a stern look. "Or you could just get off your arse and actually do something for once."

"Hey!" Harry complained. "I do stuff! I've been looking after Tristan all afternoon."

"If, by 'looking after' you mean 'singing, reading, and feeding' then yes, I suppose you have. But who's the one who gets up in the middle of the night to see to him? Who's the one who bathes him and changes his dirty nappies?"

Harry frowned and crossed his arms. "You _like_ doing that," he said defensively. "And…poo is disgusting and it smells," he added to his case.

"Kitchen. Pasta. Now."

As Harry stomped out of the room muttering irritably to himself about slave drivers, Severus headed into the hall and up the stairs, safe in the knowledge that Harry wouldn't take any of what he had said personally.

Shortly after Tristan had been born, Harry and Severus had quickly settled into a routine. At first, that routine had been all about taking turns with each and every task. They would take turns getting up in the night just as they would take turns with the bathing and feeding of the baby. They would take turns changing nappies, take turns putting him down for his naps, and take turns getting him dressed for his pram walks. But two months in, the routine had slipped and each had just embraced it.

Whereas Harry enjoyed his sleep and hated being interrupted, Severus actually liked being needed by his son. In some ways, he felt like he was coming to the rescue – Tristan, late at night, crying his eyes out because he wanted his feed or he simply wanted a cuddle, and Severus would be there to make sure he was alright. He felt so much pride in being there for him.

That wasn't to say that Harry did nothing. In fact, he did a lot more that just the singing, reading, and feeding that Severus had just accused him of. Since Severus was the one up all night, Harry was usually in charge during the mornings when Tristan was hungry and playful and Harry definitely had a knack for putting a smile on their son's face. Not that it took much – that kid smiled at anything.

He reached the nursery and strolled over to the wooden cot in the middle of the room. Sunlight was falling through the large window and the yellow and green room was bathed in warmth. He took out his wand and cast a cooling charm before flicking it in the direction of the curtains. Judging by the weather, no one would ever think it was October.

"We'll have to get daddy a Christmas present soon," Severus said to Tristan, rocking him gently in his arms. "What do you think he'll like, hmm? An engagement ring maybe? Would you like that? For your daddy and father to be married?"

Severus sighed and walked idly about the room. He still couldn't quite believe the irony of it sometimes. During that time when Harry had wanted marriage more than anything, Severus had been dead set against it. But then Tristan had been born and Severus had been so full of happiness that he'd changed his mind. Unfortunately though, so had Harry. Whereas having a baby had shown Severus that he wasn't as afraid of commitment as he had originally thought, it had shown Harry that as long as they were together nothing else mattered.

Neither of them had brought the subject up again and Severus was prepared to bet that Harry had forgotten all about it.

He'd been tempted, on Harry's 19th Birthday, to just get out the ring and ask him – deep down, Severus knew that Harry would say 'yes' to marrying him, despite what he had said after the baby had been born, but working up the courage had proved to be a nightmare. After all, he'd been about to propose when Harry had said he didn't want to get married. Even though Harry was oblivious to that little fact, it had still felt like a rejection.

Shaking his head at his predicament, he approached the cot and lay Tristan down. He straightened up and took a few moments to just admire his son. Naturally, he had grown a lot since his birth and his skin had lost that wrinkled red look. He was so light and smooth and fair, with his soft rose lips and short dark hair. He had Harry's cheeks and nose. He still had Severus's eyes.

"Mu!" he said happily when he noticed Severus watching him.

Severus groaned.

"Father," he said. "Say 'father'. Fath…er. Far – Va. Far…"

"Ba!"

"No, not 'baa'," Severus reprimanded, "You are _not_ a sheep. Say 'far'…far…"

"Fa," squeaked Tristan, shoving his fist in his mouth.

"Good. Now say 'va'. Far…va. Va"

"Va!"

"Clever boy," Severus beamed. "That's right. Va!"

"Va!"

"Now say them together. Far…va. Far…va. Father."

"Mu mu."

"No," he moaned. "No Tristan, you are _not_ a cow, nor are you any other sort of farm animal. You are a human being and human beings say 'father'. I am your father and you will address me as such."

"Mu mu!" he said stubbornly.

Severus clenched his teeth. Could babies even say things stubbornly?

"I blame Potter for this, I really do," he muttered. Sighing, he gave in and kissed his son on the head. "Love you."

"Wuv!"

"No, you are not a dog, you – " he began to correct, but he stopped and looked down.

"Love," he said, slowly and clearly.

"Wuv," said Tristan.

"Love," he said again, and he couldn't help the proud smile that broke out across his face.

"Wuv!"

Maybe the smart Snape genes would dominate after all.

* * *

**A/N:** Woo! I'm back! Sorry about that wait but thinking up a title for this story has been a bloody challenge! I had no idea at all and I usually like to name it something that hasn't been used on this website before, but after a month had gone by and I still hadn't thought of anything, I gave up! This chapter has been sitting here for God knows how long, all because I couldn't think of a title! I'm still not happy with the one I chose but whatever lol.

Anyways, yes I know that was a short chapter but for some reason my first chapters are usually just short introductions. I'll update as soon as I can!

Also, Alisevv has been kind enough to offer to translate '_Life, Love, and Everything in Between'_ into Spanish! Thanks again for that! The links are in my profile.

Thank you all for your reviews on my last story and I hope you stick with me on this one! I've done quite a bit of research for this (I've read leaflets and everything!) so I hope I get all the facts right when the time comes.

Please Review! xx


	2. A Hell of a Proposal

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Two: A Hell of a Proposal **

"No. Absolutely not."

"Oh, come on Sev! Live a little; it won't do you any harm."

Severus stood tall and crossed his arms importantly across his chest. His lips were thin and his eyes were flashing at Harry, daring him to continue this little fight.

Harry did.

"It'll be a nice change," he said. "When was the last time we went out, hm?"

Out indeed. They went _out_ everyday with Tristan; to the woods, to the shops, to the parks, enjoying the scenery and the fresh air and the quality time together. Just yesterday Tristan had seen his first ever rabbit, and the day before that Harry had made the little boy laugh by making it rain with red and gold leaves.

But of course, Harry didn't mean that. He meant _out_ out.

Severus didn't understand the youth of today and he doubted he ever would. What was with this fascination they had with going out to parties and getting drunk? Crowds of sweaty people dancing to deafening music; enthusiastic teenagers who couldn't hold their alcohol; creepy middle-aged men desperately seeking out a drunken female to spend the night with…and then there was the morning after – waking up to bright sunshine and feeling like shit. What was wrong with staying home and enjoying a nice bottle of red wine with conversation and dinner?

"Please," Harry pleaded, "It'll be fun, I promise."

Severus gave an amused grunt. "You're idea of fun is not mine," he said.

"It is when we're in bed," Harry replied with a cheeky grin. "I seem to recall a certain someone begging me not to stop when I was sucking him last night…"

"Yes, well…"

"…and then when I was sliding up and down on your cock, riding you so hard…"

"What the hell does sex have to do with a Halloween party?" Severus snapped.

"Everything," Harry said brightly. "We go out, have fun, get drunk, come home, and have hot passionate Halloween sex."

"And what, exactly, is _Halloween sex?_" he asked, unimpressed.

"Sex…but on Halloween!" Harry smiled.

"Cute."

"Oh, Sev, don't be like that. I really want us to go."

"For Merlin's sake, stop whining; anyone would think you were nine, not nineteen."

He sighed impatiently and glared at Harry. "In case you have forgotten," he said tightly, "we have a son to look after. We can _not_ go gallivanting off to Halloween parties."

"It's not like we're gonna abandon him or anything! Your mum would be more than happy to look after him, I know she would."

"That is not my point," he replied. "Tristan is five months old and he needs us to be around. We've never left him before. What if our absence upsets him?"

"He won't even notice we're gone!" Harry argued.

"You'll be surprised at how much babies of that age _do_ notice," Severus argued back. "He might think we don't want him anymore, he might think we're giving him over to someone else!"

"Sev, don't be so dense, he…" But Harry broke off. His eyes were fixed on Severus and his eyes were shining with an omniscientlight which was far too similar to Dumbledore's twinkle for Severus's liking.

Harry smiled. "I see what's going on here," he said slyly.

"Congratulations," Severus said.

"It's separation anxiety isn't it? I read about it whilst I was pregnant."

"Then you'll understand why we can't just disappear. He's too young, too vulnerable, too – "

"I'm not talking about Tristan," Harry cut in, "I'm talking about you."

Severus mentally checked the emotions on his face and wasn't surprised to find that he had masked them – some habits were harder to shake than others. At this moment, he wasn't sure whether or not that pleased him.

"Me?" he asked calmly.

"Yes," Harry replied, and there was a hint of a smirk on his lips. "You don't want to leave him because you're attached to him. You need him."

"That," Severus said, "is ridiculous. I don't _need_ a baby. A _baby_ needs its _parents_."

"A baby needs love and care and attention and he can get that from his grandma just as well as he would from his parents. Sev," Harry said, and the smirk was gone now, "I think this issue needs to be dealt with."

"I fail to see that there is an issue."

But Harry wasn't having any of it. He smiled kindly and took a few steps towards Severus, who felt a knot in the pit of his stomach.

"I understand," Harry said softly; "I'll miss him too. That's to be expected. But we can't be with him every hour of every day. He needs to get used to being around other people. And so do we – we've sort of lost touch with that."

Severus bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to argue but he knew Harry was right. As long as there was breath in Severus's body, he would be there for his little boy…but _being there_ didn't necessarily mean _being there_ in the literal sense. But was he ready? Harry obviously was. Did that mean that Severus was being overprotective?

"Christ," Harry said with a smile, "I dread to think what you're going to be like when he leaves home and gets married."

Even though he heard the humour in Harry's voice, the pang those words caused to Severus heart was great. Leaves home? Gets married? What would Severus do without him? What would Severus have left? He'd go crazy, he'd die, he'd…

…He'd have Harry.

And possibly other children. Hmm…

Severus gave himself a mental shake. He would have time to deal with all that later. Besides, no more children until they were married – that seemed like a good idea; get everything in order before a little screaming bundle of joy comes along. Again.

Right, so…maybe he should get a move on with proposing to Harry?

Realising that he'd be quiet for sometime now, he cast around for something on-topic to say.

"What if something happens and my mother can't deal with it?" was the excuse he decided to use, although, to be fair, it _was_ a genuine concern.

"She dealt with you, I'm sure she can deal with Tristan," grinned Harry. "Come on, it'll be fun. It'll do us both a world of good."

Backed into a corner and knowing he was well and truly defeated and out of reasons, he sighed heavily.

"Fine," he said, making Harry's face light up; "But I'm not wearing a costume."

* * *

Why oh why had he fallen in love with such a persistent little bugger? Gone were the days where he could just mope around his room and lose himself in a novel; gone were the days where he could stalk through the halls of Hogwarts and hand out detentions left, right, and centre. He knew he shouldn't complain – he had a beautiful son and a beautiful lover – but wouldn't it be better if he could have both? Be with Harry and his son and _still_ be his grumpy, anti-social self? Was that really too much of a luxury to ask for?

And was it _really_ too much to ask that he maintain his dignity and respect and _not_ dress up as Albus Dumbledore?

"Severus, stop sulking," Harry said, nudging him. "I told you we needed to dress up to get in."

Severus's fists tightened at his sides but he didn't say anything.

"Look, there's Ron and Hermione. Come on."

As he followed his young lover across the crowded room, stopping every now and then as Harry was recognised by friends, he tried to tell himself that it wasn't as bad as it all seemed. It was a Halloween party and everyone was in costume; there were fairies and elves, ghosts and ghouls, kings and queens, demons and devils (although Harry was the best looking devil by far, with his tail and horns and red leather pants and that bow tie around his neck that added that little sexy something…); there were even people dressed up as giant chess pieces and bouquets of flowers.

But despite being surrounded by such costumes, he could still feel his dignity sailing away…he was Professor Severus Snape, damn it! Professor Snape was supposed to dress in black, not purple and gold! And he certainly didn't wear robes with stars on them! He was pretty damn sure that he would never hear the end of this. His only consolation was that the real Albus Dumbledore wasn't here to see it. The old coot would think it 'marvellous' and would tell him to dress in such clothes more often. He shuddered at the very thought.

After what seemed like an eternity (but what was probably closer to 30 seconds) they reached Ron and Hermione. The female half of this unpleasant couple was dressed as a mermaid; she had weaved strands of plastic seaweed into her hair and her tail-like skirt was covered in violet and aquamarine sequins and fairy dust. Her husband was dressed as a lion.

"Harry," Hermione smiled brightly, "Oh, it's so good to see you! And you too, Severus. It's been far too long."

"One month, twelve days," Severus offered as he sat down; "Not long enough."

Harry gave a tut and hit him on the arm.

"What?" asked Severus. "I was simply expressing my opinion."

His lover sighed and turned to greet Ron before taking his seat next to Severus.

"Nice costumes," Hermione grinned appreciatively.

"Thanks," said Harry, "You too."

"I tried to get Ron to dress up as a merman but he wasn't having any of it," she told them.

"I refuse to walk around all night dressed as a fish!"

"Ron, mermen are not fish! I can't believe you would be so ignorant and so inconsiderate. Honestly, haven't I taught you anything?"

"So…" said Harry, getting in there quick, "married life's going great I see."

Ron grunted and Hermione just rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Neville's around somewhere," she told him, "he's dressed as a pumpkin. And Luna's here too, she's a fairy. The twins are…well, I'll let you figure that out for yourself," she laughed. "Dean and Seamus are here as well, they're dressed as sheep. And Ginny's a star."

"You should have come as Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus," said Ron, nodding towards Harry and Severus, "then you would have had a nativity."

"OK, firstly," Harry laughed, "It's not Christmas. And secondly, I would not bring my baby to a club. But that's a great idea for a Christmas party if you guys feeling like throwing one! I have no objections to dressing up as Joseph."

He grinned brightly at Severus, who was glaring daggers at him, and quickly turned back to his friends.

"But baby Tristan's not allowed to be around alcohol and Weasley's when they're mixed together," he said, as if reciting from a book. "It's a rule. And I'm guessing he's also not allowed to be dressed up as baby Jesus."

Ron and Hermione grinned.

"I'll go fetch us some drinks," Severus sighed.

The party was soon in full swing and Harry was downing drink after drink, chatting away merrily with his friends. It felt so good to be out of the house and away from parental responsibilities for an evening and he was sure Severus felt the same, even if he didn't admit it; he was still giving out his glare of death to anyone who dared to compliment him on his Albus Dumbledore outfit, but Harry was sure when he got home and gave his lover a hot blowjob all would be forgiven.

Half way through the evening they were joined at their table by Neville, Dean, and Seamus (and then later by Sirius and Remus, both dressed as zombies) and they spent a good hour drinking cocktails and reminiscing about the 'good old days'. Even Severus joined in, which wasn't all that surprising given the amount of Tequila he'd had, but it was all in good fun and soon they were laughing and joking and getting up to dance.

"Oh, I haven't danced to this in years," smiled Sirius, pulling on Harry's hand as 'Monster Mash' blared out from the magical speakers; "Come and have a dance with your godfather."

"He says 'dance' but what he really means is 'jump around like a maniac," Remus told him.

Harry laughed and was just stepping into the crowd of dancers when he felt something tug on his devil's tail. He stopped, causing Sirius and Remus to do so, and they all turned to see two identical women smiling at them.

"Hey Harry," they said cheerfully.

"Hi," he said politely, taking in their appearances; he had the funniest feeling he knew them…long red hair, freckle covered faces, cheeky grins…it couldn't be…

"Recognise us?" they asked with smiles.

"I'm Frederica," said the one in the black dress.

"And I'm Georgina," said the one in white.

Sirius burst out laughing.

"Oh my God, I knew it!" said Harry, eyes sparkling. "You guys dressed in drag? But you both look so…"

"Female?" supplied George. "That's because we are." And he held out a vial containing a pink substance.

"'_Genie Juice. Release your inner woman,_'" Remus read. "What's this all about?"

"We've been working on it for months!" Fred told them enthusiastically. "It must be one of the hardest things we've ever made. The disasters we've had to deal with…"

"Body parts going missing, gaining a few extra nipples…it was all very nasty…"

"But once we'd found the right ingredient…"

"…that focused specifically on a person's DNA…"

"…we finally had it working. And what better time to bring it public than Halloween!" Fred finished.

"What, so it turns you into a female?" Harry asked, shocked and highly impressed.

"Not just a female, Harry," said George. "It turns you into what you would have looked like had you been a girl. And I think we look pretty damn sexy."

"I'll say," Sirius said, looking them up and down with a whistle.

"You know," said Remus, handing the bottle to Harry, "that's actually really, really clever. Not much of a market for it outside of the joke business, but still…really clever. I congratulate you."

"And we thank you, kind sir," Fred said with a bow.

"We've already spiked a few drinks with it so be careful who you flirt with," George told them, winking. "Don't want to be chatting up any girls now, do you lads, eh? Oh, no," he added as Harry made to give him back the potion, "you hang on to that."

"I don't think I'm gonna have much use for it," he laughed.

"Ah, you never know," said Fred. "What if a certain grumpy someone gets on your nerves? What better way to take revenge!"

"Yeah," said George, "We wouldn't blame you if you accidentally tipped three drops into his drink and stirred it clockwise five times."

Cackling with glee, the twins waved goodbye and disappeared into the crowd. Shaking his head in amusement, he handed the bottle to Sirius for safe keeping.

"Snivellus as a woman," Sirius snickered, "Now _that_ would be a sight worth seeing!"

"Don't even think about it," Harry warned.

"I can't believe how much they know about potions," Remus was saying. "It's amazing. And yet all they want to do is run a joke shop. Think of all the good they could do if they worked for the Ministry or had their own Apothecary."

"But Remus, they _are_ doing good," said Sirius. "They're bringing fun and laughter into everyone's lives. You can't live without fun and laughter."

"I suppose," Remus sighed. "But still…poor Molly. If my child was as gifted as the twins are and chose to run a joke shop – "

" – Then you'd let them because you love them and want them to be happy," Sirius finished for him. Remus relented with a roll of his eyes.

"How's that going by the way?" Harry asked. "Are you guys still trying for a baby?"

"Every day," said Remus, as if having sex every day was a chore.

"Things aren't going well then?" He felt a stab of sympathy flood through him and he suddenly felt rather guilty for having a baby of his own.

"Not as well as we'd hoped, no," said Remus. "We already knew that I couldn't carry children because of my lycanthropy – the unborn baby can't survive my monthly transformations. So we've been trying to get Sirius pregnant…"

"That's right, tell everyone I'm the bottom!" Sirius chipped in.

"…but so far we've had no luck," Remus continued. "I'm starting to think that I can't get people pregnant."

"Aren't there tests you can do?" Harry asked.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "We had all that done last week. We should be hearing from them any day now."

Harry bit his lip and looked into their faces. Again, that feeling of guilt and sympathy flooded through him. All around the world, people got pregnant by simply forgetting to use protection. He'd been one of those people and that was why he felt guilty – because for millions of people, all it took was that one time. Why was it so easy for those who didn't want a baby, yet so hard for the ones that did? Every day a child was born into an abusive family, yet the people who would make great parents were always left hoping, dreaming, and praying.

"I really hope everything's OK," he said honestly. "You guys would make great parents."

"Well, we've had a lot of practice with dealing with out of control teenagers," Sirius said with a smirk. He flung an arm around Harry. "Come on," he said, smiling, "let's dance!"

* * *

"He did the mash! He did the _monnnster mash_. The monster mash! It was a graveyard smash. He did the mash! It caught on in a flash. He did the mash! He did the monster – "

"Harry!" Severus shouted; "Would you please, please, _please_ stop singing that dreadful song! It's bad enough that it played over and over, _again and again_ at that bloody club!"

Harry snorted. "That's 'cause Sirius jinxed the speakers," he told him, before collapsing onto the bed in a fit of giggles.

"He did the mash!"

"Harry!"

"Alright, alright," he laughed, "Keep your…purple and gold starry robes on!"

"My, my," Severus sighed, "We have had a lot to drink, haven't we? Now, are you going to get undressed or do I have to do it for you?"

It took a moment for the laughter to die down and when it finally did Harry sat up and looked at Severus thoughtfully, which Severus had to give him credit for – Merlin only knew how much air was blowing through that brain of his.

"What now?" Severus asked, resigned.

"Doesn't that song remind you of you?"

"Not particularly, no," he answered.

"Really? Hmm." He fell silent again as that look of thoughtfulness crossed his features. His eyebrows knitted slightly and his lips puffed out, as if sulking. Then, all of a sudden, a huge smile broke out on his face.

"I was working in the laaab late one night, when my eeeeyes beheld an eerie sight – "

"Harry!"

"But it's the part about you!" he protested. "You work in a lab late at night!"

"Yes, but my eyes don't behold an eerie sight. Unless it's early in the morning and I've just rolled over in bed to come face to face with you."

"Ooh, he's gettin' bitchy!" Harry laughed. "He did the mash! He did the – "

"Right, that's it!"

Harry screamed as Severus pounced on top of him. Before he had a chance to move, Severus grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head. He placed a knee either side of Harry's waist and mock-glared down at the young man under him.

"If you can't keep quiet then I'm going to spell those lips of yours shut!" he threatened.

"But then how would I kiss you?" Harry asked with pure innocence.

"Somehow, I think I'll manage to go without," he replied.

"But what if I'm hungry? How will I eat food?"

"You won't."

"What if you wanna talk to me?"

"I definitely won't."

"What if you want a blowjob? You can't suck yourself. Well, you can if you're really bendy I suppose," he said, "but it just wouldn't be the same. Or what if you want me to bite your nipples? And I know you love the sounds I make when you fuck me. If you seal my lips I won't be able to make those noises! Or what if y – "

"Marry me."

_Well, that certainly shut him up, _Severus thought with a smirk. Harry was staring at him in stunned silence. His lips were locked around the word 'you' but his eyes were growing wider and wider with each passing second.

And as the silence stretched on, it slowly began to dawn on Severus what had just happened. He'd said it. He had actually said the words 'marry me'. And Harry was staring at him as if he were insane.

Severus quickly wet his drying lips and cleared his throat.

"I know it's not romantic," he said, "and I know you're as drunk as hell…and I know I'm dressed as Albus bloody Dumbledore of all people…but I want you to marry me. And so I'm asking…will you?"

"I…wha…"

Heart pounding, Severus let go of Harry's wrists and reached into his own pocket.

"I have a ring," he said. "I've been carrying it everywhere with me…in case…"

For once in his life, it seemed that Harry Potter was truly lost for words. His mouth was slightly open but all that was coming out were puffs of air as words died away. He watched, almost entranced, as the diamonds of the ring glittered in Harry's eyes. He was so absorbed in watching Harry that he almost jumped when he heard him speak.

"You…you really wanna do this?" he asked, barely a whisper.

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't," he replied. He held his breath.

"Then…yes. Yes. Oh my God, yes!"

Shaking, and not knowing what else to do, Severus laughed with joy. He couldn't believe he had just done that! He couldn't believe that he had just gotten engaged! And he couldn't believe how wonderful he felt!

With an unsteady hand, he reached out for Harry's and gently slid the ring onto his finger. He kissed the spot where it sat, perfect-looking and at home, before surrendering himself thoroughly and utterly to his lover's mouth

"Let's get these clothes off," said Harry, pulling away and freeing himself of the trousers and tail. He reached a hand up to rip the horns off, but Severus stopped him.

"No," he said. "Keep the horns on."

* * *

**A/N:** Wooo! Another late night update! Sorry it took so long, it was all my fault. I think I'm becoming lazy since I only have to work 2 nights a week now. I need more hobbies to get me going again! Hopefully the next chapter won't be as long as most of that one is already written, it just needs some fine-tuning doing to it. I have a weird tendency to write little pieces of different chapters instead of actually writing the whole thing. And this chapter didn't turn out how it was supposed to be - for one thing it wasn't supposed to be set at Halloween! But I was listening to 'Monster Mash' and the next thing I know, the chapter wants to be different from my plan!

Thanks for the reponse for the first chapter, and also thank you to those who are still reviewing the other 2 fics. And thanks to everyone who put it on alert/favourite as well!

Please review and tell me what you think!

xx


	3. Hasty Decisions

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Three: Hasty Decisions**

As Harry's mind slowly shifted into consciousness he became aware of two things; the first was that his tongue felt as rough and as dry as a cat's, sticking to the roof of his mouth, a painful reminder of why drinking himself stupid was always going to be a bad idea.

The second was that some idiot had opened the curtains.

"Rise and shine sleepy head," said a sing-song voice.

Harry groaned into his pillow. "Fuck off," he mumbled.

"Harry, please refrain from using such language in the presence of our son," the voice scolded.

Letting out a second, more irritated groan, he turned his head slightly and opened his eyes. In the colourful blur that surrounded him he could just about make out a dark looming figure. He let out a third groan, more for effect than anything else, and reached for his glasses and shoved them on.

"Good morning," Severus smiled down at him.

"You're a sadistic bastard, you know that?"

"What did I just say about your language?" he sighed crossly, nodding to the baby in his arms.

"How can you stand being up this early?" Harry asked. "Especially after all that drinking we did last night. Are you so abnormal you don't get hangovers?"

"I took a potion to sober myself up before we left the party."

Harry would have rolled his eyes had they not been so heavy with sleep. "That totally defeats the point of getting drunk," he mumbled.

"Well, would you rather apparate home inebriated and get yourself splinched?" he said. "Now come along, I'm staring breakfast so I expect you to be downstairs in twenty minutes."

"But I wanna sleep!"

"Tough," Severus said. "You are a father and you have responsibilities. Now get your pretty little bum out of bed and into that shower."

As Severus turned away, Harry flopped his head back down onto the pillow and quickly weighed his options – he could either do as Severus said and avoid an argument, or he could be rebellious and go back to sleep. His bed was so warm and soft and comfy…but Severus would make him pay if he disobeyed…

Yawning deeply, he stretched his body before getting out of bed and stumbling into the bathroom. He turned the shower on to let it warm up and headed over to the sink. His reflection stared out at him from the large mirror and he glared at it as he reached for his toothbrush. Something glinted on his finger.

"Sev?" he called out.

"Yes Harry?"

"Why is there a ring on my finger?"

* * *

When Harry finally entered the living room he was feeling, and looking, much better. The hot water had washed away the sleep and had unclogged his brain, and he felt almost thoroughly refreshed; all he needed now was a good, strong breakfast to get him feeling like himself again. He'd had a great time last night, but it had been so long since he'd gotten drunk that he'd forgotten what waking him the next morning was like and he definitely wasn't in any hurry to repeat it.

He seated himself on the sofa and chose to sit quietly for a few moments, listening to Severus bustling about in the kitchen. Across from him, Tristan was in his playpen, lying on his back and sucking on his fist; he giggled when he noticed Harry watching, and Harry smiled.

"Do you want tea or coffee?" called Severus from the other room.

"Tea please," he answered, looking away from Tristan.

Once more he sat and listened as Severus busied himself with breakfast whilst thinking through all the things they could do today. He fancied taking Tristan for a walk round the park, or maybe taking a trip to Diagon Alley, but what about…

His eyes wandered to the shiny ring on his finger and he realised he didn't know _what_ to think. Severus would never do something like propose if he didn't mean it, but since when had Severus wanted marriage? And why had he waited until Harry was drunk? And how long had he had this ring anyway?

Earlier in the year, Harry had wanted this so much, and he still did, although he'd promised not to push the matter. And now he was sat here with a ring on his finger after a drunken night out.

Figuring there was only one way he was going to get any answers, he gathered his strength.

"So…" he said, fidgeting with his sleeve, "we're engaged."

Silence fell in the kitchen as Severus stopped whatever he was doing. Harry waited a couple seconds before continuing.

"You proposed to me last night," he said. "I remember that now."

Severus cleared his throat. "Yes," he said. There was a short pause and then Harry heard the opening and shutting of a cupboard door; a few seconds later, Severus entered the room.

"Bacon, sausage, and eggs," he said, placing a plate on Harry's lap. "I figured you could use a good breakfast after last night. And don't spill anything on the sofa," he added.

"Aren't you going to join me?" Harry asked as Severus turned to leave.

"I've already eaten," he told him.

"But that doesn't mean you can't sit with me."

Severus seemed a little reluctant for a moment, but he looked at Harry and sighed.

"Fine," he said, and he sat down. "Happy?"

Harry smiled and began tucking into his food, all the while trying to ignore the fact that Severus was sitting almost as still as a statue next to him. He wasn't really sure what to make of that; it was as if he were bracing himself for something. Maybe he had regrets about last night? Or maybe he thought Harry was going to change his mind? Whatever it was, Harry decided it could wait a few more minutes as he finished his breakfast – he felt as if he hadn't eaten in days and he didn't even care that the sausages were a little burnt.

Once he'd cleared his plate, he placed it on the coffee table and sat back. Severus was still sat unmoving and his eyes were fixed on Tristan, who had now taken to chewing on a plastic unicorn.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked, making the man jump a little.

"I'm fine," he said, shaking himself, "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing important," he said. "Are you finished with this?" he added, reaching for the plate, but Harry stopped him.

"Leave it," he said. "I want to talk to you."

"Oh," said Severus; "What about?"

Harry almost rolled his eyes. "You know what," he said. "This." And he held up his hand; the diamond caught the light and sparkled magnificently. "I thought you didn't want to get married?"

"I didn't," he agreed.

"So then why did you – "

"Things change, Harry," he cut across; "Situations, feelings…it happens."

"But you never said anything," he said, confused. "If your feelings had changed then why didn't you tell me? I thought we agreed to talk these things through?"

"I was going to," Severus told him, "Tristan came along and I realised what I wanted, and I was going to, but then you…" Severus broke off and swallowed. "Look, if you don't want to marry me, just say so, OK? I know I shouldn't have asked you last night; you were too drunk to know what you were doing. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."

Harry's eyes almost bulged out of his head. "Advantage? You didn't take advantage. Sev, you asked me to marry you!"

"Yes, and a part of me knew that you were too drunk to turn me down!" he said hotly.

"Well that's a load of bullshit!"

"Language, Harry!"

"Well that's a load of rubbish," he corrected, not missing a beat. "You honestly believe that I only said 'yes' because I was _drunk?_ And you really expect me to believe that you only _asked me_ because I was drunk?"

"You don't want to get married anymore, you said so yourself!"

Harry almost laughed. "Are you kidding me? After all that fuss I kicked up about it?"

"After Tristan was born you changed your mind!"

"I changed my priorities!" he shouted, voice a little high. "I wasn't going to bug you about it, but I would have said 'yes' the moment you asked me!"

"You said you didn't want marriage! You said everything was perfect just the way it was!"

"I'd just had a baby and was feeling a complete idiot for putting all that pressure on you," he tried to explain, "That's what I felt at the time. But of course I still want to get married."

"Then why the hell didn't you say something sooner?"

"_Me?_ Why didn't _you?_ You're the one who was dead set against it."

"Oh, this is just typical," he laughed bitterly; "Turn everything around to make it my fault!"

"If I'd known you'd changed your mind about marriage, I would have been able to say something!"

"Mu mu!"

Both Harry and Severus stopped arguing and turned their heads to look at Tristan. Somehow he'd managed to undo the top of his bottle and had covered himself head to toe in milk.

Harry and Severus glared at each other. "Now look what you've done!" they snapped.

"Me?" Harry scoffed. "I'm not the one being unreasonable here!"

"Oh, of course not," he sneered. "How could I forget? Harry Potter is always in the right. How silly of me."

"Muu!" whined Tristan.

"God, Sev!" he groaned angrily, "Why are you being like this? You asked me to marry you and I said yes, so what the hell are we arguing about?"

Severus looked lost. "What?" he asked, his glare disappearing in an instant. "You still want to…?"

"Yes, I still want to," he smiled. "I've always wanted to. You daft git," he added.

Harry felt a silent joy as Severus' face lit up.

"And you're not just saying that?" he asked. "You mean it, you actually mean it?"

"Of course I mean it. Why wouldn't I? I love you."

"Wuv!" Tristan joined in.

Harry laughed. "Yes, I love you as well," he said. He turned back to Severus. "Now, why don't we kiss and make up so we can go and give our wonderful son a bath, hm? And then later tonight we can celebrate out engagement."

Severus grinned and leaned in for a kiss. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

The next morning, Harry was so eager to tell his friends about the good news that he was showered and dressed before Severus had even opened his eyes. By the time his fiancé had sat down at the kitchen table for breakfast, Harry had already visited Ron and Hermione and the rest of the Weasley family.

"We should both have a best man," Harry said as he joined Severus at the table, "And maybe Hermione and Ginny as bridesmaids – I'd really like for them to be included in the ceremony. And I was thinking that maybe we could have it at that country manor in the park? Or maybe somewhere in the magical world since we haven't really got any muggle guests. Do you know of anywhere? Oh, and we can have Tristan be the page boy! How adorable would he look in a little tux? And let's not forget about Sirius and your mum."

"What about my mother?" Severus asked, showing the first indication that he was listening.

"Well, someone has to give us away," Harry said.

"Give us away? Harry, I am a 40 year old man – I do not need my mother to give me away. Besides," he said with a smirk, "It's traditional for the bride to be given away, not the groom."

"Hey!" he cried indignantly. "Just because I carried our child for nine months, and just because I am wearing your engagement ring, does _not_ mean I am the female, OK?"

"Yes dear."

"I mean it, Severus!" he whined. "I am _not_ going to be seen as the bride."

"Whatever you say, dear," he smiled, getting to his feet. "Do I get a kiss before I go?"

"No," Harry sulked, crossing his arms. He looked up. "Where are you going anyway?"

"To buy you a lovely, white dress."

Harry glared at him.

"To see my mother," he laughed. "And I suggest you go and pay a visit to your beloved canines. I refuse to have Black on my case because he was kept in the dark about the engagement."

"Fine, fine," he said, "I'm going. And don't call them 'canines' – they're human beings."

"And I'm the Queen of England." He kissed Harry. "I'll meet you back here at dinner, alright? Shall I take Tristan with me?"

"I think its best, yeah," he said. "God only knows what's lying about at Sirius' place."

* * *

As soon as Harry fell out of the fire in the living room of Grimmauld Place, he heard raised voices coming from the kitchen. He crossed the room and opened the door a crack to hear what was going on. After a few seconds, he realised that Sirius and Remus were arguing and his happiness was quickly replaced with concern. Not wanting to intrude, he started to turn back to the fire when he caught wind of a couple of words – hospital? Baby? His curiosity got the better of him and he slipped out into the hall.

"…always adopt," said Remus' voice, and he sounded a little strained; "Or there's surrogacy, like the Healer said – lots of people do that nowadays."

"What?" said Sirius angrily, "Pay some stranger to carry our child?"

"It's not like they're going to run away with it."

"I still don't like the idea of placing our unborn child in the care of some stranger. What if they're a drug addict or an alcoholic?"

"The hospital doesn't just choose some random person," said Remus, exasperated. "People apply to do it and they have to be checked out thoroughly."

"It's still some stranger," Sirius said stubbornly. "And besides, do you really think they'll do it once they hear they'll be carrying the egg of an ex-convict and the sperm of a dirty werewolf?"

A harsh silence fell behind the kitchen door and Harry cringed at the look he could imagine was on Remus' face. He was amazed at how thoughtless Sirius could be sometimes – he, above all others, should have known how vulnerable Remus was when it came to his lycanthropy. And from what Harry had gathered, it sounded as though their test results had come back from the hospital.

"I'm sorry," Harry heard Sirius sigh.

"It's fine," said Remus, tried. "This is hard on both of us. But there's no point in brooding about it when there's a way forward. Sirius, I really think we should look into this host surrogacy thing."

Harry heard chair legs scrape on the floor. "I'm just not comfortable with a stranger carrying our child. What about all the legal reasons? What if, at the end of the pregnancy, this person wants to keep our baby? I couldn't deal with that Remus; I can't trust a stranger with something like this."

"We could ask someone we know," Remus suggested, hopeful. "We don't have to use someone off the list of surrogates at the hospital if we know someone who'd be willing to do this for us."

Sirius laughed without humour. "And who would be willing to do that, eh? We can't just ask our friends – half of them are too old and the younger ones have their own lives to live.

"What about Tonks?"

"For real? Remus, she's way too clumsy."

"Kingsley?"

"He's far too straight to be pregnant."

"Hermione?"

"Too married."

"Well then, what about Harry?"

Outside the door, Harry's eyes widened.

"Harry?" said Sirius. "_Our_ Harry?"

"Yeah," said Remus. "He's gay so he won't be freaked out by it, and he's already had a child so he knows what to expect."

"He's also our Godson, has been through too much in his life, and has Snape to deal with. We couldn't ask something like that of him, it'd be wrong."

"Yeah," Remus said again, "Yeah, I suppose you're right. It wouldn't be right to –"

But Harry had heard enough. His head and his heart were in perfect agreement.

"I'll do it," said Harry, stepping into the kitchen.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm truly sorry for the long wait. My reasons why are on my profile page. Things still aren't sorted which is why this is so short; this and the next chapter were supposed to be one big one I've only had time to go over the first half and I figured since it had been so long since an update I might as well post it in two pieces. I only have access to a computer for a few hours a week now, but hopefully it'll be back to normal by the end of August. Thanks for sticking with me and thank you so much for all the reviews! x


	4. Selfish to be Unselfish

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Four:**** Selfish to be Unselfish**

"I'll do it," said Harry, stepping into the kitchen. He gulped as both heads turned in his direction.

Remus, who was sat at the table, stared at him with a mixture of evident shock and confusion on his face; he may have sounded tired before but right now he looked more awake than ever.

Over by the sink, Sirius seemed to be having the same reaction, although Harry noticed the small frown forming on his face

"It's very rude to listen in on other people's conversations," Sirius said, crossing his arms.

"I know," said Harry, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. I stopped by and I heard you arguing and…well, there's no excuse. I'm sorry. But I'll do it," he continued in a stronger voice; "The surrogacy thing, that is. I want to."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

"Harry," Remus started slowly, "It's very kind of you to offer but…" He trailed off, looking awkward.

"But we wouldn't dream of asking something like this of you," Sirius finished for him; "It's too much. But as Remus said, thank you for the offer."

"But I mean it," Harry told them earnestly. "I can help and I want to."

"Harry – "

"Just consider it. Please." He looked from one to the other. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it."

"You don't even know what's involved," Remus spoke up, "You don't understand."

"Carrying your baby for nine months and then giving birth. What else is there to understand?"

"A hell of a lot more than that!" Sirius said loudly. "Harry…we appreciate the offer, we really do, but this is just silly."

"Why is it silly?" Harry demanded. "You need a surrogate, well, here I am!"

"There are things to consider," Remus told him. "Things you have to take into account."

"Like what?" he asked, growing irritated.

"Like Snape," Sirius muttered darkly.

"And Tristan," Remus added. "He needs your full attention Harry."

Harry frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. He felt a little embarrassed for not considering his son – but then again, that was Harry wasn't it? His friends had always said he had a "hero complex", always diving in head first without testing the waters. Did that make him a bad parent? And was he a bad partner – _fiancé_ even – for not thinking about Severus?

But then he looked at Sirius and Remus and he was completely torn. The right thing to do wasn't necessarily the right choice.

"OK," he said, "Maybe that was a bit rash. But I know I'd like to do it if I'm able to. Can we talk about this?"

"Now?" Sirius asked, surprised.

Harry nodded.

"Well, I don't know…I suppose we could, but…" He trailed off with a sigh.

"I'll tell you what," said Remus, getting up from his seat. "I'll put the kettle on and make us some tea. You two go through to the living room."

Harry nodded again and turned towards the door.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Rem?" he heard Sirius asked quietly.

"It's the only way we'll convince him it's a bad idea," Remus replied. "He has his own life to live – the last thing he needs is to get mixed up in ours. No matter how desperate we are."

* * *

Harry seated himself in the cosy armchair by the fireplace and tried to convince himself that Severus would be alright with this. After all, the man loved him for who he was and that included Harry's uncontrollable urge to help and do good. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to come home pregnant without discussing things over with him! Although he already knew what he wanted to do and nothing Sirius and Remus could say was going to put him off.

The door opened and the two men entered the room. Remus passed Harry a cup of hot tea whilst Sirius placed a plate of assorted biscuits on the small table in the middle of the room. They both sat down on the sofa across from him and Harry couldn't help but remember all the chats he'd had in Dumbledore's office with tea and sherbet lemons. Suddenly, it all felt a little like an interview.

He sipped his tea.

"So," he said, once the silence had stretched on too long, "What exactly happened at the hospital this morning?"

Again, Sirius and Remus looked at each other. Then, with a sigh, Remus placed his own cup on the table and looked over at Harry.

"We already knew I wasn't able to carry children because of my condition," he said, "so the only option was for Sirius to get pregnant. We'd been trying for almost a year before we decided to go for tests – I thought that there was something wrong with my…you know, my sperm. That was just what I needed – not able to get pregnant or impregnate other people. But, erm…" He paused, looking a little awkward, and glanced at Sirius. "But it turns out I'm fine in that area," he finished.

"It was me," Sirius took over, "I'm not able to carry children. Something to do with the damage done to my body whilst I was in Azkaban. I'm to blame."

"You're not to blame at all!" Remus assured him.

"Whatever you say."

"You're not! Neither of us can carry children. We're both in the same position here."

"You're a werewolf," Sirius said hotly, "You can't exactly help that!"

"Just like you couldn't help being in prison! Even if you'd run away, they would have caught up with you sooner or later. Look," he said as Sirius opened his mouth, "Let's not get into this again, OK? The bottom line is we can't have children – neither of us can carry."

"Oh, we can have children," Sirius said gruffly, "Just not with each other."

"And that's where I come in," said Harry.

Sirius sounded so bitter and Remus looked so weary. It was plain to see that they were upset – but then, wouldn't anyone be? Finding out you couldn't have children with the person you were madly in love with…knowing you had to use someone else in order in start a family…Of course it was always going to be a hard thing to digest at first – it's not the life people imagine when growing up.

"Harry," Remus said, "You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you just can't. We wouldn't dream of asking you."

"You haven't asked me," he pointed out. "I've offered myself."

"And what about Snape, hm?" said Sirius. "What would he think of you being pregnant with our child? Would he support that decision? Would he stand by you? And what about Tristan? Remember all those naps you took whilst you were pregnant? You won't be able to do that because you have a baby to look after."

"Sirius is right," Remus said, "And besides, you're 19! You need to be getting on with your life, not getting pregnant again."

"It's not worth considering because it's not going to happen," Sirius said.

"Well, what are your other options then?" Harry asked, stubbornly.

"Adoption," Remus told him.

"Would they let you adopt, given your condition?"

"The Healer said there was a chance," he said defensively.

"Are you just saying that to get me to back off?" Harry asked, already knowing the answer.

"There're also two types of surrogacy," Remus continued, not answering Harry. Traditional, or straight, surrogacy and gestational, or host, surrogacy. We're thinking of doing one of those."

"What's the difference?" asked Harry.

"Straight surrogacy is done through artificial insemination. They would use either mine and Sirius' sperm to impregnate the surrogate, using the surrogate's own egg."

"So the surrogate would be the biological parent?"

"Exactly. I don't have anything against that, but it's just that…"

"You're worried the surrogate might not want to hand over the baby," Harry guessed.

"The Healer did warn us about the legal side of things, yeah," he said with a sigh.

"And what's host surrogacy then?"

"That's where both Sirius and I would be the biological parents," he explained. "They take the egg of one of us and the sperm of the other and implant it into the surrogate for them to carry. It's a little pricey, but…"

"We can afford it," said Sirius.

"The only problem is Sirius is being very picky about who carries the baby," Remus told him.

"Harry, would you trust a stranger to look after Tristan?" Sirius demanded.

"Well, I – "

"That is so not the same thing," Remus interrupted.

"How is that not the same thing?" Sirius challenged.

"The obvious point I would like to make is that Tristan has been _born_."

"And? A stranger could run off with Tristan just as easily as a surrogate could run off with an unborn baby!"

"The surrogate wouldn't have a biological claim on our child."

"And the stranger wouldn't have a biological claim on Tristan either, but that didn't stop them running off with him, did it?"

"Can we please stop talking about my son being abducted?" Harry cut in.

Remus closed his mouth, looking a sheepish.

"Just trying to make a point," Sirius muttered.

"I know," he said. "Really, I do. And I'm here, aren't I?"

They both looked at him.

"Guys, I'm offering to do this. I won't give you any trouble and I certainly won't run away."

"No Harry, we've already been through this…"

"But I'm here," he said desperately, "We can do this. You can have a baby. You guys deserve it so much."

Now it was Remus' turn to look torn. Harry could tell he was considering the possibility but was battling with his own judgment. It was such a horrible situation to be in in the first place, but why were they fighting when there was hope? Not being able to carry your own child had to be very painful, and he imagined that watching someone else do it for you had to hurt quite a bit, but then…wouldn't having a child at the end of it all be worth it? It was all bound to be very emotional.

And now being here, watching Sirius and Remus holding themselves back out of concern for Harry…

"Remus…" Sirius began.

"No," said Remus, although his voice wavered. "No. We can't take away nine months of Harry's life. It's not fair."

"Why are you being so stubborn?" Sirius asked.

Remus turned to him, looking a little stricken.

"You were the one who said we shouldn't use Harry in the first place," he reminded him. "It's not fair to do it. It's not fair, Sirius."

"Look," said Harry, clearly. "If you're not comfortable with me carrying your baby – for your _own reasons_, I might add – then I won't being up the subject again."

"We already told you, it's not right to – "

"For your _own reasons_, Remus," he said again. "Forget about me, forget about Severus. What I'm asking is…would you be comfortable for me to carry your baby? I want you to be honest. Please don't lie to me."

The silence which followed was a painful, apprehensive one. If Remus didn't want Harry to be their surrogate because he was famous, or because of the miscarriage, or because of his power, then he would fully understand and would back off immediately. He didn't want to force them into using him if they were uncomfortable with it. If, however, the reasons were because of Severus…well, then, he would just have to talk to his lover, that was all.

"Why?" Remus asked softly. "Why do you want to do this?"

Harry licked his dry lips. He didn't think he could explain it properly in words.

"Because…" he began, surprised at how his voice shook with emotion, "Because when I look at Tristan, I'm filled with such love. To know that he's mine, to know that I'm going to watch him grow up…I watch him feed and I listen to the cute, little things he babbles and it fills me with pride. And when he laughs and smiles at you it's the most incredible thing in the world. And I look forward to the day he says his first proper word, and the day he takes his first step. I want you guys to feel all that too."

He finished, very well aware that that had been entirely too soppy, but glad he'd said it nonetheless. After all, it was what he felt and this was a delicate issue they were dealing with here – honesty was going to be appreciated and people needed to stay positive.

He knew he was going to head home to a huge argument but he also knew that Severus wouldn't leave him. Was he being selfish towards Severus? Was that even possible, to be selfish whilst offering to do an unselfish act?

Sirius' resolve had long gone and Harry could tell that Remus was crumbling too.

"When you put it like that," he said, "how can we say no?"

Harry felt shock and happiness flood through him. "You'll let me do it?" he asked.

Remus hesitated. "As long as Severus agrees," he said. "And as long as you're absolutely sure you're up to it."

* * *

**A/N:** Good news! My older brother let me borrow his laptop - can't get the internet on it at my grandma's but at least I can type. Again, a short chapter but only because it was supposed to be a part of chapter 3. And sorry if there are any really weird mistakes - the upload thing is messing around with it again, it always does that for me! Oh, and sorry if any of the information regarding surrogacy is incorrect - I did quite a bit of research on the topic but some of it did seem a little confusing, but I tried my best.

Hope you enjoyed and please review! xx


	5. Deepest Desires

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Five: ****Deepest Desires**

By the time Severus arrived home, Harry was already settled in front of the television. It sounded like he was listening to the news, but Severus didn't pay it much attention as he toed off his muddy boots and entered the room.

"Looks like the weather is finally catching up with the season," he grumbled irritably. "My mother _still_ hasn't set her wards to allow us to apparate directly in. I had to walk all the way to the bottom of the street in the pouring rain."

Harry looked up at him. "So I take it you had a good time then?" he said with a small smile.

"Apart from the abysmal weather, it was somewhat bearable I suppose," he replied in a bored tone, pulling off his wet robe. "She got quite excitable when I told her the news. She sends her love, by the way."

"And how was Tristan?" Harry asked.

Severus sighed deeply and dropped onto the sofa.

"I _think_ he may have started teething," he told Harry. "I've only just got him to go to sleep. He's in his pram in the hall. You couldn't put him to bed whilst I get a drink, could you?"

"Sure, no problem," he said with a shrug, and he got up and left the room.

With an effort, Severus pushed himself to his feet and headed for the kitchen. He tapped his wand on the kettle and leaned against the sideboard.

He felt tired, but other than that and the bad weather, he _had_ actually enjoyed his morning. He wasn't used to seeing his mother but it was getting easier each time he did, although he still wasn't ready to visit her on his own yet – he needed Harry or Tristan with him to avoid uncomfortable silences; Harry always found something to gossip about, and his mother just loved to fuss over Tristan and give Severus advice on parenting, which he pretended to appreciate. He simply couldn't imagine what he'd do if it were just the two of them left together for a long period of time.

But still, he thought as he listened to the rain hammering on the windows, it had been a nice enough visit. Tristan had loved the attention and his mother had been overjoyed at hearing her only child was finally getting married. She'd prattled on and on about wedding arrangements and Severus had let her, not really interested, but thankful they'd had something to talk about. After filling Severus with cake and lemonade, and after taking dozens of photos of him and Tristan for her albums, she'd finally waved them goodbye.

The kettle boiled and Severus snapped out of his thoughts and made himself a cup of tea. He left the kitchen and took up his usual seat just as Harry entered the room.

"Did Tristan give you any trouble today?" he asked, sitting down next to Severus.

"He got a little cranky after a while, but as I said, I think he may be teething." He turned his head and gave Harry a quick kiss on the lips. "And how was your morning?"

"Oh, you know, it was…" Harry broke off, fidgeting. "Well, to be honest, I didn't get around to telling them about the engagement."

"What happened?"

"They got their test results back from the hospital. You know how they were trying for a baby?"

"No."

"Well, there were," Harry assured him, "For about a year. Anyway, it turns out they can't have children. Neither of them can carry."

"Oh," was all Severus could think to say – he didn't exactly care for either of them. He turned back to the television and added, "That's pretty harsh" to avoid any arguments.

Next to him, Harry hugged his knees to his chest. The weather girl on the television screen was saying something about heavy rain heading their way; Severus rolled his eyes and scanned the room for the remote.

"Severus?" Harry began slowly, "What if…what if we weren't able to have children? Would we adopt?"

It was like a knife had cut deep into Severus's heart; ice-cold dread filled his stomach and he snapped his head round to stare at Harry, horrified.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked in alarm, eyes wide. "Has something happened to you? Is everything OK?"

Harry looked taken aback.

"I'm fine," he said, surprised at the outburst. "Honestly, I'm fine. Relax. I didn't mean anything by it."

A breath of relief escaped Severus and he glared at his lover.

"Then why would you say such a thing?" he demanded.

"I was just asking…you know…" he stammered, "hypothetically. There's nothing wrong, I'm fine. _Really_. I was just wondering what we'd do, that's all. You know, because of Sirius and Remus? I was just wondering."

Severus breathed deeply to calm himself. "Oh," he said. "That's alright then."

Slowly, he turned away from Harry. His stomach was still knotted in a tight bundle of nerves but his heartbeat was slowing down to a normal pace again.

Harry really had a knack for scaring him! If he wasn't off on some dangerous adventure, risking his life, then he was throwing out thoughtless comments like that! If this kept up, Severus wasn't sure his heart would be able to take it. '_What if we weren't able to have children_…'God, he'd given him such a scare!

But then, as he sat there, idly staring at the wall, it slowly began to dawn on Severus that Harry wasn't the only one surprised at his reaction. If Harry wasn't able to have children then, well, why would it even _matter?_ They already had one child and Severus wasn't exactly the paternal type. He didn't want anymore children….did he?

There was no denying the answer to that.

For the next few minutes, they both just sat and watched the TV in silence. The weather report had finished and a woman's voice was now introducing the next programme, some sort of daytime quiz show.

Next to him, Harry started fidgeting again.

"Is something bothering you?" Severus finally asked, pushing his own insecurities aside for later.

"Hm?" said Harry, looking up. "Oh, no, I'm fine."

"But?" he prompted, waiting.

"It's just that…well, what _would_ we do if we couldn't have children?" Harry asked carefully. "_Would_ we adopt?"

Severus snorted. "Absolutely not. I despise other people's children."

"Is that why you became a teacher?" Harry joked.

Severus glared at him. "You know very well why I'm became a teacher and it had absolutely nothing to do with choice."

"Right," Harry muttered. "Sorry. I forgot."

"What's with you this afternoon? Is this all because of what's happened to Black and Lupin?" The last thing he needed were those two mutts scaring Harry and making him worry. Why couldn't they keep their problems to themselves?

Harry shrugged, looking guilty, and bit his lip. Severus closed his eyes; he'd had experience with that little habit enough to know what it meant.

"What now?" he asked, resigned.

Harry took a deep breath. "OK," he said, "I have something to tell you and you're not going to like it."

"What've you done?" he asked with a long suffering sigh. Another one of Harry Potter's silly adventures, no doubt. He opened his eyes and looked at him expectantly.

"I've offered to be their surrogate."

…Did he just…? Well, that was certainly…

"I beg your pardon?"

"They…they wanted to use surrogacy," Harry explained shakily, "And I overheard them arguing about it and I offered. We talked about it," he added in a hurry, "I know what I'm doing."

But Severus was already shaking his head. The very idea, the very _thought_…! What the _hell_ was Harry thinking? He didn't seriously believe that Severus would _let_ him, did he? This was…the _whole thing_ was…it was just…!

"No," he said, very firmly indeed.

"Look," said Harry, "I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it's a lot to ask, but –"

"I said no, Harry! What part of that do you not understand?"

"Why don't we just talk this through?" he suggested. "There's no need to be so hasty."

"Hasty?" Severus spat, getting to his feet. "_Hasty?_ Three hours ago you were telling people of our engagement and now all of a sudden you've offered to be a surrogate! And _you're_ telling _me_ not to be _hasty?_"

"Why can't we just sit down and discuss this?" Harry said again. "Why are you being such an idiot?"

"Oh, you have some nerve calling _me_ an idiot," he growled, towering over him.

"It's my body, Severus!"

Severus let out a bark of laughter. "And what if I wanted to get my nose pierced, hm? And maybe my lip as well? And my ears and my tongue and my nipples? It's my body after all. Would you like that? Would you?"

"Oh, just stop it!" Harry shouted, getting to his feet and pushing Severus away from him. "You're being ridiculous!"

"No, Harry," he shouted back, "_You're_ being ridiculous! You need to get this stupid notion out of your head because you're not doing it!"

"You've not even listened to what I've got to say!"

"And what makes you think I want to hear it? What makes you think it would make the slightest bit of difference?"

"I can help them have children," Harry pushed. "Don't you have a heart?"

"No," he said tightly, feeling the heart in question breaking in two, "I don't."

"Severus, come on," Harry continued desperately. "After everything they've been through, after everything that's happened to them…don't you think they deserve children? I can give that to them. Please."

Severus shook his head and turned away. He honestly felt like crying but there was no chance in Hell he was going to let himself be that weak. He just couldn't believe this was happening. This morning he had been so happy, listening to Harry wittering on about the wedding and imagining how perfect everything would be. How had things come to this?

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, that was how!

It hurt – it actually _physically_ _hurt_ – to even think…to imagine…

"Look," said Harry, "I know you don't like the idea and I don't blame you…but can't you just at least sit down and talk things through with me and just _consider_ the possibility?"

"I don't want you pregnant with someone else's child!" he bellowed.

"It's not like I'm going to have sex with them!" Harry shrieked.

"I don't care! I don't care, Harry! Do you think I can sleep next to you whilst you're pregnant with their child? Do you think I can be engaged to you? _Do you think I want anything to do with you?_"

Harry stood still, staring at Severus with wide, shining eyes. It was a terrible sight, but he clenched his teeth. He was sure Harry's heartbreak was nothing compared to his own. How could he do this to him?

"Sev…" Harry croaked out, looking completely stung. "Why…why would you say that? I love you."

"I'm sorry Harry, but that's not going to work this time," he sneered.

"And you love me," Harry continued in that same voice, "I know you do. And I know you wouldn't leave me."

Severus bit the inside of his cheek.

"Please," Harry went on. "Please…just let me do this. _Please_. I need to do this for them."

"Surely they can find someone else," Severus said roughly.

"Sirius doesn't trust anyone else. And with reason. I mean, look at their past! There are still people out there who think he's guilty. And Remus, look at Remus! There are so many people who think werewolves should be locked up or killed. And who would willingly consent to carrying his child? Please, Severus," he begged. "Please. If it was the other way around, they'd offer to do this for us."

Severus rolled his eyes and scoffed. "First of all, no they wouldn't," he said. "And second…even if they did, I wouldn't let them. But that's beside the point – Harry, have you forgotten you have responsibilities as a father?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten," he replied, offended, "You remind me every single day. Being pregnant won't affect how I am with Tristan."

"You'll be too tired to do anything," Severus pointed out; "You'll be too sore to play with him or look after him or do any of the things you do now."

"Only for the last few months," he argued. "Besides, you'll be there to look after us both."

"And you'll be pregnant for Tristan's first birthday," Severus went on. "Is that how you really want to spend it?"

"Of course not," he said softly. "But come on. You've always known I had a…a… "

"Charitable nature?" Severus supplied. "It's one of your faults. Look," he said roughly, "Just because you are _able_ to help doesn't mean you _have_ to."

"I _want_ to. Severus, who deserves this chance more than them?"

"I don't care if they deserve it or not!" he yelled. "What bothers me is that my partner, my _fiancé_, will be carrying and giving birth to someone else's baby! How do you think that makes me feel? Do you even think you'd be able to that?" he went on, "Carry a baby for nine months, go through the pain of childbirth, to just give it away?"

"I wouldn't have offered to if I didn't think I could do it," Harry replied earnestly.

"Do you think you could give Tristan away?" he asked.

"Of course not! He's mine."

"And why is he yours?" Severus asked. "Because you carried him for nine months? Because you gave birth to him? Because as he was growing inside you, you loved him more and more each day?"

Harry looked so lost but Severus didn't have time to feel any guilt; Harry needed to realise just what he was planning on doing. He was so consumed with the idea of doing something nice, something so generous, that he hadn't even taken into account what it could, _would_, do to him.

"You won't be able to do it, Harry," he said, softly but firmly. "You'll get far too emotionally involved that you won't be able to do it."

"I'll be fine," Harry assured him, angrily.

"You think that now," he said darkly, "But when it's time to hand over the baby you'll be feeling completely different."

"I know my own mind!" he argued. "And whatever I may end up feeling, I know that I would never hurt Sirius and Remus."

"You don't know what you'll do."

"And neither do you," Harry shouted. "I know it's going to be difficult – difficult for both of us – but this is something I want to do! I want to _help_. Can't you understand that? I accept the fact that my feelings may change once I've given birth but I'd rather die than take their baby away from them!"

"But you won't be able to cope," Severus told him, desperate for Harry to understand, "You'll do it, but you'll be such a wreck. I can't see you go through that."

"I'll have you to help me," he replied. "I know it'll be hard but I'll get through it because I have you. Severus…please…"

He looked at Harry, standing before him, eyes teary and pleading. Every inch of Severus was screaming "NO"…he wanted to grab hold of Harry and shake him until he came to his senses; he wanted to take him and lock him away somewhere, away from the world, away from Black and Lupin and this whole sorry situation; he wanted to leave, to walk right out that door and never look back.

But he couldn't move. His feet were glued to the floor and his arms were as heavy as lead. He couldn't even speak. He'd never felt so empty yet so full of fear and anger. His eyes travelled down Harry to the ring on his finger, that gold band glittering with diamonds…that piece of jewellery that claimed Harry as _his_…

It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be getting married. They were supposed to be a family.

"Severus?"

"I…" He cleared his throat. "I...I can't…Harry, you don't have a clue what you're doing," he finally managed. "As always, you don't have a clue. I can't watch you go through this. I can't watch you give up a baby."

"It's not like I'll never see it again," he said.

"But you won't be its father."

"I'll still be in its life. Severus," he went on, voice almost a whisper, "I'm doing this. I just need to know…need to _hear_ that you'll support me. Please tell me you will."

Severus stared at Harry, listening to the rain outside and the laughter on the television. He suddenly found his legs could no longer support him and he sank into the chair behind him. He placed his elbows on his knees and buried his tired face in his hands.

"This is…not what I had in mind," he said slowly as Harry sat down next to him. "I wanted us to have a life together. I wanted us to be married and…and…"

"And what?" asked Harry softly.

"I wanted us to have…more…children."

Severus could barely believe he'd admitted to it. Judging by the wide-eyed, disbelieving look, neither could Harry.

"More children? This is the first I've heard about it."

Severus sat up and scowled. "I don't know why you sound so shocked. It certainly doesn't look like you object to being pregnant."

"Being pregnant as a surrogate has nothing to do with us being parents again," he said. "For starters, I don't have to look after that baby when it's born."

"Oh," he said, "so it's looking after your own children you have a problem with then?"

"That's not what I said. Sev, why the hell are you being like this? I didn't even know you wanted more children until just now!"

"But it doesn't even matter does it? You're going ahead with this surrogacy thing regardless of what I feel."

"Let's just forget the surrogacy for a moment, OK?" Harry said, trying to take control. "Even if that wasn't happening…I'm not ready to have more children. What about work?"

"What about it?" Severus asked, confused.

"Well, I _would_ like to get a job somewhere along the line," Harry said. "You know, make a career for myself, earn some money…socialise."

Severus felt like such a fool. He wished he hadn't mentioned his desire to have more children now. He should have known he wasn't ready – why on Earth would someone Harry's age want two children to look after when he had his whole life ahead of him? Severus had held him back long enough.

"You want to work?" he asked stupidly. "I just assumed you'd be a stay at home dad."

"You really thought I'd be happy with that?"

"I didn't…" he trailed off with a shake of his head. "So you don't want anymore children?" he asked.

"I do," Harry assured him. "Just not for a while."

"How long's a while?"

"Ten years or so maybe?" he shrugged.

Severus's eyes almost popped out of his head. "Ten years? Harry, I'll be 50!"

"Well I'd be the one carrying them so it wouldn't matter, would it?" Harry said quickly. "Unless…"

"What?"

"Unless you wanted to carry them and look after them," he finished.

An image of his pregnant self flashed through his mind and he shuddered. He'd be teased endlessly! He wasn't cut out for anything like that; he didn't have the right mind-set.

"Maybe not then," said Harry, who had been watching for his reaction.

"I thought we'd already agreed that we were both going to stay home for three years and then I was going to go back to work. I've already cleared it with Dumbledore and Slughorn."

"I know," Harry said awkwardly. "But the more I think about it, the more it appeals to me. Severus, all my friends have jobs…they all get together after work and go for a drink…Luna's even travelling the world."

"And you're stuck with me and a baby," Severus muttered. He'd never felt so worthless. Everyone must hate him for holding Harry back and Harry was obviously starting to resent him. But it wasn't his fault! He'd given Harry countless warnings to not get involved with him…only the brat hadn't listened and now Severus was far too attached to be made to let go.

How had this happened? How had he let someone in? For years he'd been so guarded of his feelings, fearing that someone would laugh at him and use them against him. But Harry had been different…there was something in his eyes, something in the way he spoke and the things he said and he had latched onto that and, _somehow_, he'd fallen in love. And Harry had loved him, despite everything he was.

And now here they were. How many times had Severus told Harry he'd be much better off with someone his own age? But he had never listened – he'd gotten pregnant, had a baby, and had got engaged…and now he wanted his own life away from Severus, he wanted to be working and drinking and meeting people.

He wanted to be 19.

"I'm not stuck," said Harry, as though he couldn't understand why Severus would think such a thing. "I _chose_ to be with you and a baby, and if I went back in time I would make the same decision over and over. I love you and Tristan more than anything. Don't ever doubt that."

Before Severus could think what to say, Harry had pulled him into a hug. He felt little kisses on his neck and he tightened his arms around the warm body, breathing in the scent of his hair. Harry still loved him…he didn't hold anything against him and he would never leave him for someone else…so why did Severus still feel an enormous amount of fear and guilt?

He pulled out of the hug and cast around for something to say, trying to make sense of things.

"If you want to work so much then why are you being a surrogate?" he asked.

"Because Tristan still needs me," he smiled. "By the time I've given birth to the surrogate baby I'll be ready to get a job."

"Couldn't you take this time to carry our child instead of there's?" he said, unable to stop himself. "I'll stay at home, I'll look after it."

A frown crossed Harry's face. "Why do you want another baby so much?"

Severus opened his mouth but no words came out. He wasn't sure how to answer that; he wasn't even sure there _was_ an answer – at least, not a satisfactory one or one that he could explain. He just…_wanted_ it. He knew it was something that could, and should, wait…he shouldn't demand or expect these things of Harry…but when he thought about Tristan he was filled with this happiness he'd never experienced before; he was so proud to be a father.

Before Harry, he hadn't had much of a life at all – the high points of his days back then had been returning to his rooms after a hard day at work and settling down in bed to read a book. Now he had so much more to live for and he didn't want to waste a moment.

He realised Harry was still waiting for him to answer and he swallowed hard.

"I want everything I never thought possible," he said truthfully. It hurt to admit it out loud, especially when he already knew where Harry stood with the issue.

His lover was sat next to him, staring at him, studying his face. Severus tried to mask his emotions but he just didn't have the energy.

"You really want this, don't you?" Harry said quietly.

Severus nodded, feeling horrible.

Harry seemed to hesitate before speaking next. He spoke gently and reached out for Severus's hand. "See?" he said, "This is how Sirius and Remus feel. They want a baby _so_ much. Do you understand why I have to do this now? I have to stop them feeling like that."

Severus gritted his teeth to try and stop himself from replying but it was no use. "And what about me?" he asked.

Harry was silent for a long time and Severus felt uneasy once more. Why couldn't he stop himself from pushing the matter?

"I'll tell you what," said Harry, carefully. "If…if you let me do this, if you let me carry the baby for Sirius and Remus…then forget about work, alright? We'll have a baby."

Severus looked a him, unsure of whether that was a threat, a bargain, or a promise. Whatever it was, he'd never felt so guilty.

But had he just manipulated Harry, or had it been the other way around?

* * *

**A/N:** I'm not too keen on how this chapter turned out but I admit it hasn't been given my full attention. I'm working on something else and most of my effort has been going into that one. And I've been through this chapter so many times that it got a little annoying lol. Is it obvious it was written at two different points? One half of it seems more emotional than the other lol. My moods always effect my writing, I hate it! I've also noticed this seems to be getting a little more darker/angsty, but don't worry, things will cheer up again.

Anyways, thank you for the reviews. Feel free to comment on anything - I like to hear what you all think. xx


	6. Sacrifices

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Six:**** Sacrifices**

Harry couldn't sleep. He was so tired and his eyes were heavy and sore and he wanted nothing more than to just cuddle up in bed and drift off into a peaceful slumber. He wanted to dream of happier times and magical places, places where he didn't have a care in the world, places where he could just let go and do anything he wanted and everyone would be happy.

But he couldn't.

He'd been staring out into the dark bedroom ever since the lights had been switched off, and the howling of the wind outside – enough to make him snuggle deep under his covers – wasn't enough to calm him.

His body felt so sluggish but his mind was racing at what felt like 200 miles an hour. He kept going over his argument with Severus again and again, remembering their words and trying to convince himself that he hadn't done anything wrong. It was a fruitless effort though; every time he came to that same, forced conclusion, guilt would well up inside.

So instead he tried to tell himself that his actions were justified – Severus had been just as horrible and manipulating as he and so they were both just as bad as one another. But that was petty.

He sighed and rolled over on to his side.

Were either of them right? Or were both of them wrong?

Harry had promised to give Severus another baby _only_ if he allowed him to do the surrogacy – _what the hell kind of person did that make him?_ Using a promise of a baby in such a way! Using Severus' emotions like that! What kind of husband was he going to be if he made such dreadful deals?

But Severus wasn't exactly innocent in this horrible business either. He'd guilt-tripped Harry very well indeed! If Harry wanted to do this surrogacy then he would have to give Severus a baby _and_ give up having a career. That was worse. Wasn't it?

His chest tightened and he screwed his eyes shut against the onslaught of shame. They'd both used each other. They were both such horrid people.

This needed to be sorted. If he had to go a minute longer dwelling on what he'd done, he'd go mad. Sirius and Remus were important to him, but he couldn't live without Severus and Tristan; they were, and always would be, his number on priority.

Sitting up in bed, he snapped on the light and put his glasses on. He turned over and reached for Severus' shoulder.

"Sev?" he said, giving the man a shake. "Sev!"

With a loud grumble, Severus rolled over and squinted up at him.

"What do you want?" he asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Harry said.

Severus stared at him and groaned. "You woke me up to tell me that you're sorry for waking me up?"

"No," said Harry, with a small shake of his head. "Well, yeah, I am sorry for waking you up, but that's not what I want."

Severus stared at him for a short while longer before sighing deeply and pushing himself in a sitting position. He rubbed his hands over his face wearily and tucked his hair behind his ear.

"You have my attention," he said, his voice deep with sleep.

Harry hesitated and reached his hands out to straighten the duvet over his lap. He wasn't keen on having to admit he was wrong, but then this wasn't about winning or losing, was it?

He cleared his throat and looked back at Severus.

"I'm sorry about what I said this afternoon. Or yesterday afternoon rather," he corrected, glancing at the clock that told him it was 3:37am. "I didn't mean to be so heartless."

Severus didn't say anything but he looked away from Harry.

"What I did was wrong," he continued. "I shouldn't have threatened you like that. A baby isn't something to bargain with."

"Then why'd you do it?" Severus asked quietly.

"Because I was desperate," he told him. "Because I saw a way to get what I wanted. Because I'm a horrible person."

Severus looked up. "You are not a horrible person, Harry," he said sternly.

"Then how could I do something like that?" he asked. "You told me you wanted a baby and I used that to get what I want! What kind of person does that?"

"You said yourself that you were desperate," Severus muttered. "People do stupid things…"

"Well I've done enough stupid things in my life," Harry said bitterly. "I never listen, I never think!"

"I'm not going to argue with that," Severus said with a snort. "But I understand why you did it…to a point. You wanted to help them."

"I won't do it without your consent," he assured him. "And I won't hold anything against you, I promise. No more threats, no more bargains. If you want a baby then I'll give you one, with or without the surrogacy. You and Tristan mean more to me that anyone. I'll never sacrifice that."

Severus looked at him and although his expression hardened, it was unreadable.

"No," he said. "You don't have to…"

"But I do!"

"No," he said again, "No, you don't. And I don't want you to."

Harry furrowed his brow in confusion. "But I thought you –"

"I want another baby Harry, I do," Severus agreed. "But you want to work and I want you to be happy. I can wait."

"But you said –"

"I know what I said," he interrupted. He looked weary, almost ashamed. "Part of me said all that because I didn't want you to be a surrogate. But I do want a baby."

His eyes met Harry's and his face softened as he continued.

"I don't want our lives to be some sort of game," he said, and Harry nodded. "We're both to blame here, we both used each other. That's not the way I want things to be between us. We both need to be more understanding."

"I know," said Harry, "And I promise, I'll –" But Tristan choose that moment to let out a wail of despair in the next room and Harry cut his sentence short. He groaned.

"Wait here," Severus said, pushing the bed covers back. "I'll go and get him."

He stumbled out of bed and headed out of the room.

Harry settled back down and snuggled into his pillow, waiting for Severus to return. He was so glad he'd woken him up to have this conversation – a huge weight had been lifted and the world felt right once more. It was such a relief to know that Severus didn't hold anything against him; he'd definitely be able to sleep easier now. It was true that the issue of surrogacy was still prickling at his conscience – he _really_ wanted to do it and would feel so awful if he didn't – but he wasn't going to bring the subject up now, not at this hour. And if Severus didn't want him to do it, well, he would be upset, yes, but he would get over it.

And surely Sirius and Remus could find someone else. Maybe. Eventually.

Yes, Severus was far more important. He couldn't imagine his life without him. And Tristan, his beautiful son; he was such a joy.

A joy Sirius and Remus would never experience…

No! He wasn't going to think about that.

The door opened and he glanced up to see Severus walking in, muttering irritably, with an arm-full of a struggling, whining Tristan.

"He doesn't want feeding, he doesn't want changing, he doesn't want a cuddle…"

He reached the bed and deposited the baby on the floor before joining Harry under the covers.

"I think he's in one of his moods again," Severus said with a sigh.

Harry sat up and looked over the edge of the bed. Tristan had stopped whining and now was busy staring, fascinated, at the carpet.

"You'd think a baby would _like_ being cuddled and held," Harry said with a frown, "but all he wants to do is be left on the floor! Anyone would think we're neglecting him."

"It's just a phase he's going through," Severus reassured Harry. "He'll soon become interested in something else and move on. Babies are stubborn creatures; they'll cry until they get what they want." He paused and turned to smirk at Harry. "Sort of like you."

"Oh, I am _not_ that bad!" he said, hitting Severus playfully on the arm.

"Really? I seem to recall a certain little brat causing a hell of a lot of trouble when I refused to marry him."

"That was different!" he said indignantly.

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he snapped. "And don't say 'really' in that bloody superior voice. I had my reasons…like _love_ and _commitment_…"

"Ah, yes," Severus droned, "love and commitment – the foundations of a happy home."

"Well what would you say are the foundations then?" Harry asked.

"Respect, trust, communication, acceptance…just because a relationship has love doesn't mean it will work. Love can only get you so far."

"Love can get you everywhere."

"Then we agree to disagree." Severus turned to him with a smile. "See?" he said. "That's acceptance."

Harry rolled his eyes but couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

"You're an arsehole," he said fondly.

Severus groaned. "What have I told you about using such language in front of the baby?"

"Not to," he said with a sigh. He smiled and cuddled up to Severus' chest. "Well, whatever you say about me…it worked didn't it? You asked me to marry you in the end."

He held out his hand and admired the ring, loving the way it sparkled in the light. It wasn't a typical engagement ring that had a diamond rock sitting prominent; rather, this one was a gold band with lots of little diamonds set into it. Despite all Severus' teasing that Harry was the female in their relationship, he was glad that the man had had the sense to get something less feminine when it came to the ring.

He was just thinking about how good it looked on his finger when Severus' hand reached for his. He rubbed his thumb caressingly over the ring and kissed Harry on the head.

"You still want to be their surrogate, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Harry tensed. He wasn't sure what to say or if he should, in fact, say anything at all.

"It's alright if you do," Severus said quietly, still holding Harry's hand and looking at the ring. "I understand. You're a good person Harry."

"I'm not," he said. "Not if I can put you through all that."

"We both did stupid things," he said in the same, quiet voice. "Your intentions were good. If you want to do it…then you have my support."

It took a moment for the words to register with his brain and when they did he pulled away from the other man and sat up in bed to stare at him.

"What?" he asked, pretty sure he had misheard.

Severus looked back at him, looking resigned but calm, almost thoughtful.

"You can do it," he said. "It obviously means a lot to you."

For a wild second, Harry thought Severus was under some sort of spell. He briefly considered reaching for his wand.

"What the hell has brought this on?" he asked with disbelief.

Severus shrugged and looked at Tristan, who was now lying on his back with his foot in his mouth.

"I want you to be happy," he said.

"But not at the cost of your own happiness! Severus," he said, kneeling up on the bed, "You can't be serious. You hated the idea before; you were completely against it! I'm not going to do something that's going to cause you pain!"

"It won't cause me pain," he said. "I'll resent the whole situation at first, yes, there's no denying that; but I'll take great pride in knowing that it's my fiancé who has a heart of gold."

"I don't have a heart of gold, Sev," he muttered, feeling the shame of his earlier actions.

"Compared to me you do," he said earnestly; "compared to a hell of a lot of other people, you do. This is who you are, Harry. You do good in the world. You help people. I don't want to get in the way of that. I don't want to stop you being who you are."

"There's a lot more to be than that!" Harry snapped.

"But goodness and kindness – _true_ goodness and kindness – are such rare things. And I may not like Black and Lupin but I can understand how they must feel. If we didn't have Tristan…" He broke off and turned, once more, to look at their son. "Family was something I never wanted, and then when I wanted it it became something I thought I couldn't have." He looked back at Harry and his face shone with honesty. "I'll moan and I'll complain and I'll say horrible things, but after nine months we can go back to being us."

"Severus…"

"One of the reasons I love you is because of all the good in you."

"But Severus –"

"I want you to do this Harry. Maybe it will help me see that there are more things in this world than just…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "There's no denying who you are Harry. I don't want to get in the way of what you want to do, whether it be surrogacy or work or…or any other thing."

The temptation was great; to just come right out here and now and say he was going to do it would have been so easy…but what if Severus was just saying these things? What if he was saying it because he knew it was what Harry wanted to hear?

He licked his lips.

"I'm not going to do something if it's going to hurt you," he said.

Severus smiled. "As long as you're happy it's not going to hurt me."

Harry couldn't resist any longer. A huge smile broke onto his face and he launched himself at Severus and threw his arms around his neck. He had the most beautiful, most understanding lover anyone could ever ask for. It was a sure sign of just how much Severus loved him if he were willing to let go of grudges and worries and everything else. He felt Severus pulling away but Harry held on tighter; he head was in the clouds and he was just so happy and grateful!

"I can't believe this!" he gushed into his ear. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Severus. I'll do anything you ask of me, I'll have as many babies as you want! Five, ten, a hundred, I don't care! I love you so much."

Severus chuckled and pried Harry's arms from around his neck. He leaned forwards and kissed him on the lips.

"I didn't do it so that we could have children," he told him softly, with a smile. "I did it because…well, I guess being with you as…had an effect on him."

But then the smile on his face turned hesitant and he looked down at Harry's hand.

"The only thing I ask," he said, speaking slowly, "is that you not wear this ring."

It was like Harry's joy had never existed. His blood ran cold and his eyes grew wide and fearful. This couldn't be happening! Severus had said that he didn't want to play games! Why was he doing this to him?

Tears were threatening to spill over and he bit his lip hard.

"W-what?" he asked, clutching at his ring protectively.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Severus said quickly, reaching out a hand to cup Harry's cheek. His thumb met wetness and he brushed away a tear. "It just wouldn't feel right. You carrying their baby and wearing my engagement ring. I still want to marry you. Please," he said, "it's the one thing I ask."

Numbly, Harry nodded. He pulled off the ring.

* * *

**A/N:** Yup, it's a short chapter but things start getting happier and the pace picks up in the next one so I didn't really want to mix them. Thanks for the reviews!


	7. The Surrogate

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, Surrogacy, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter Seven: The Surrogate **

"Right," said Healer Addison, clapping her hands together as she seated herself behind the large, wooden desk.

The brightly lit room looked smaller than it was, crammed full with cupboards and shelves and multicoloured rugs. The wall opposite the door displayed pictures of parents with their newborn babies, whilst the wall behind the desk was decorated with framed certificates, golden plaques and medals, each one congratulating the Healer for different achievements; she had been Best Dressed Healer in 1982, 83, and 84, Healer of the Year in 1995, Healer of the Month on countless occasions spanning three decades, Most Punctual Healer in 1997, Most Cheerful Healer in 1998, and was currently Best St. Mungo's Midwife.

It inspired confidence, if nothing else.

There were four chairs opposite her desk and each of them was occupied. Sirius and Remus were sat to the right; they were holding hands and looking across at the Healer in a sort of nervous excitement. Next to them, to Sirius' left, was Harry. He was sat up straight in his chair, looking determined and ready to listen to everything Healer Addison had to say. And next to Harry, on the end, was Severus; slumped in his chair, legs stretched out in front of him, he looked utterly bored.

"Right," said the Healer again, with another clap, "I'm just going to explain a few things before we get started. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. Now," she said, smiling at them, "I will, over the course of today, need to speak to all of you individually and as a group. There are a lot of issues and details to be explained, as well as making sure you all understand what to expect. As well as having a full medical examination done, all four of you will have to undergo a background check."

Severus shifted in his chair.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape," she continued, swivelling round in her chair to look at Harry and Severus, "will have to abstain from sex until the surrogate pregnancy is confirmed. You, Mr. Potter, may also need to take some prescribed potions if your body doesn't respond; because it isn't your egg that is being fertilised, your body might not register the fact that it's pregnant."

Harry nodded, showing he understood.

"Now," said the Healer, with yet _another_ clap of the hands, "I would like to speak to Mr. Potter alone. If the rest of you would be kind enough to take a seat in the waiting room, I will be with you all momentarily."

* * *

Harry sat in his chair, swinging his legs back and forth as he waited for the Healer to take her seat again. The clock high up on the wall told him that it had only just gone 11am; it was going to be a long day but he was ready for anything it threw at him.

It had been three days since Severus had agreed to let Harry become a surrogate and he had to admit that he was more than a little surprised at how fast things had progressed from there. After he had finally fallen into an uneasy sleep, he had returned to Grimmauld Place to deliver the good news and the next thing he knew, appointments had been made at St. Mungo's!

To say Sirius and Remus had been overjoyed would be an understatement. They had jumped up and down and had inundated Harry with hugs and kisses and had refused to let him go for the entire afternoon. Even Harry had managed to forget about his own troubles in the face of their happiness.

He looked down at his hand and rubbed his ringless finger with his thumb.

Severus was…well, he was Severus. He seemed to be taking the whole thing in his stride. Harry had talked to him some more, just to make _absolutely_ certain that he was alright with what Harry was going to be doing and, after much reassurance, he'd been forced to drop the matter. Severus wasn't happy about it, but he wasn't angry either. They seemed to have reached a sort of understanding, but what that understanding actually _was_, Harry wasn't entirely sure. Things were just…calm. The surrogacy was a taboo subject in their house now and so, after the first day, neither of them had mentioned it. But Harry had Severus' word that he would tell him if things got too difficult to handle. Not that he would be able to do anything about it if it did…

The Healer sat back down in her chair and looked across the desk at Harry.

"Now," she said, and, _damn it,_ she clapped her hands again! "After I've talked with you all individually, I will take you to one of our wards where you will all have to be medically examined; standard procedure, I assure you; nothing out of the ordinary. Whilst that is going on, I will contact the Ministry and will have one of their staff do a background check. Again, it's completely standard and should only take a few moments whilst they look for any black marks on your files. So," she said, smiling brightly at him, "I'm just going to ask a few routine questions and make sure you understand what's expected of you during the nine month pregnancy."

Harry nodded and watched as she opened up a file on her desk. She pulled on the glasses that had been hanging on a chain around her neck and picked up a quill.

"First, of course, you understand that you can not drink alcohol, smoke, or take any drugs that aren't prescribed by a medical authority. I know that some people find it hard to give up these things during pregnancy, but as the baby in question isn't yours then your obligation is to –"

"Sirius and Remus and their baby," finished Harry. "I understand. I don't smoke or take drugs anyway and I can easily give up alcohol for nine months."

She smiled approvingly at him and scribbled something down.

"As I've already told you," she continued, looking up again, "you may have to take a potion during the first few days. Side effects may include headaches, nausea, drowsiness, and dizziness. I have to ask that you _not_ take any sort of medicine or potion to relieve these symptoms; they have been known to react badly with the potion in the past."

Harry nodded again. "I understand."

She smiled and glanced down at the file.

"Have you ever had a miscarriage or an abortion?" she asked, quill poised.

"Oh, erm, well…" He swallowed around a lump in his throat. "I did have a miscarriage the first time I got pregnant."

"Oh?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "That's not written in your hospital file."

"No, it wouldn't be," he told her. "It was kept quiet. I was at Hogwarts at the time."

"And how long ago was this?" she asked.

"Just after the war ended," he told her, "so just over a year ago."

Harry was silent as she scribbled in the file.

"And I believe that you have had a child since then?"

"Yes," said Harry. "A son."

"Now," she said, looking across at him, "here come the harder questions. If something were to happen…let's say that Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin were to separate – how would you feel about handing over the baby to be brought up in two separate households?"

"Sirius and Remus would never break up," he told her with confidence.

"_If_," she said again, looking at him expectantly.

"Well," he said slowly, thinking, "I guess I'd be alright with it. As long as they take good care of the baby it shouldn't be a problem."

"And if something more drastic were to happen," she said; "let's say they split up and don't want the baby anymore. Or else, Merlin forbid, something horrible happened to them and you were left with the option of keeping the baby yourself or else giving it up for adoption. How would you react then?"

Harry stared at her. Did she really want him to imagine Sirius and Remus _dead?_ How would he react…? He'd be bloody devastated!

"Well," he said, "if that were to happen – which it won't! – but if it _were_ then…I'd keep the baby. Severus would be alright with it; I mean, I _think_ he would," he added. "He doesn't really like other people's children. But if things were to come to that then I'm sure it'd be fine and we'd treat the child as if it were our own."

To be honest, he didn't have a clue what Severus would do should they find themselves in that situation. He hoped the man would be willing to become its father, but then with Severus you never really knew what to expect.

"If Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin's child were to be a girl, how would you feel? You don't have a daughter of your own."

He took a moment to try and imagine himself in that position; the sex of the baby hadn't really crossed his mind. Of course, it was going to be hard no matter what, but…

"I don't think it would make a difference," he told her honestly. "A child is a child. It doesn't matter what gender they are."

"I can respect that," the Healer nodded, "but you need to be aware that your feelings may, and most likely _will_, change during the pregnancy. You may start to think of it as _your baby_."

"You sound like Severus," he muttered. "Look, I know my feelings might change, OK? I know that when I give birth, I might not want to give it away. But I _will_. I would never put Sirius and Remus through something like that. And whatever happens to me afterwards, I'll have my family around me."

* * *

"Mr. Snape, if you would like to take a seat."

Severus sat down in the chair and tapped his fingers on the wooden desk as he waited for the Healer to begin. The Healer in question was a stern looking woman who was annoyingly cheerful – she had large, blue eyes that seemed to sparkle brightly, wore immaculate lime green robes that fell loosely about her figure, and had dark brown hair that she wore tightly in a bun. She was a cross between Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore – or rather, Minerva McGonagall after she'd swallowed about fifty pepper-up potions and was high on caffeine.

He shuddered at the very thought.

"Sitting comfortably?" she asked, taking her seat. "Good, good." She shuffled through a couple of files and opened one of them on her desk.

"As I explained to Mr. Potter, we're just going to have a nice little chat before I send you all off for the medical examination. During that time I will have a background check done at the Ministry before we all gather back here. OK? So, I'm just going to ask you a few questions and give you some rules. Now, there is to be no smoking around Mr. Pot –"

"I do not smoke," he interrupted.

"OK," she said, picking up her quill. "Let me just…" She wrote something down before looking up again.

"Mr. Potter is not to do any heavy lifting," she told him.

"He doesn't anyway."

"He is not to overdo any exercise."

"I'll make sure he doesn't."

"He is to keep to a balanced diet, making sure he gets all the right –"

"Miss. Addison," he said, holding up a hand to silence her; he was the teacher here, not her! "Harry and I have a five month old son. We have already experienced a pregnancy. We know all the Do's and Don'ts and I do _not_ need to hear them again."

The Healer frowned at him.

"I understand that, Mr. Snape," she said patiently. "However, it is my job to make sure that you and –"

Severus held his hand up again.

She glanced at him, cleared her throat and continued.

"– that you and Mr. Potter, and of course the baby, are cared for in the –"

"Miss. Addison," he said again, "save the speech if you will. Let's hurry this along. I have better things to be getting on with and I'm sure your time would be better spent talking to the surrogate and the would-be parents."

"Well," she said, "all of the people involved are just as important as each other. Surrogacy is, after al, something that effects –"

Severus gave a loud, great sigh and crossed his arms. He drummed his fingers impatiently against his skin.

The Healer glared at him and adjusted her glasses. "Very well," she said tightly. Severus hid a smirk. "As you are already aware, you and Mr. Potter will have to abstain from sex until conception is confirmed. I'm sure you understand."

"Of course," he said simply, enjoying himself immensely.

Her eyes gleamed at him. She looked down at the file and poised her quill.

"How do you feel about Mr. Potter doing this?"

"Alright," he shrugged.

"Do you think it will affect your relationship with him?"

"Not really," he said.

"Are you comfortable with him doing this?"

"I guess."

She looked up and gave short huff.

"Do you have _any_ questions?" she asked.

He was about to reply with a snappy "no" when an idea struck him.

"Yes," he drawled. "Would blowjobs be acceptable?"

She blinked and the tips of her ears reddened, but she kept her composure.

"Yes," she said, "they would be acceptable."

"And can he swallow my semen?" he asked.

Ah, now _that_ had the desired effect! He smirked as he watched a deep blush creep from her ears into her face. She let out a nervous little laugh and brought a hand up to rub the side of her neck.

"Erm…yes," she said, looking and sounding utterly flustered. "As long as the, erm…as long as your medical results come back clean, you're free to…erm…"

"Come in his mouth?" he supplied. "Don't worry Madam. I shall take good care of him."

She coughed and looked back down at the file.

* * *

Sirius and Remus sat facing Healer Abigail Addison as she opened up two files.

After Snape had stepped out into the waiting room (looking entirely too smug for himself), Sirius and Remus had entered the office. She had wanted to speak with them separately but they had insisted that they be together; after all, they had no secrets from each other and they were going through this experience as a couple.

They still couldn't believe this was actually happening. The hope of having a child, quickly snatched away, was once more burning bright. They were going to have a baby of their very own! They had tried hard not to get ahead of themselves at this early stage but the excitement was just too much and they hadn't been able to resist discussing possible names. Remus wanted something nice and traditional, like John, Phillip, or William for a boy and Elizabeth, Gwyneth, or Beatrice for a girl. Sirius, on the other hand, wanted something a bit more unique and exotic like Lisandro, Dante, or Santiago if it was a boy, and Renata, Naima, or Sakura if it was a girl. They didn't know how they were going to decide but they were sure they would come to some sort of compromise or find a name they both liked.

This was happening! This was really, finally happening for them! God only knew how Harry had gotten Snape to agree, but he had done it and for that they would be forever grateful. To both of them.

"…and after this I will escort you to your medical examination whilst I have the Ministry do background checks on all involved," Healer Addison finished.

Sirius snorted. "I'm sure Snape will love that!"

The Healer looked at them questioningly.

"Severus used to be a Death Eater," Remus explained.

"But he changed sides and became a spy," Sirius added quickly. "He was a great asset to the Order. In fact, if it hadn't have been for his information, the Houses of Parliament would have been blown to smithereens. He risked everything to do the right thing."

The Healer raised an eyebrow and noted something down. Remus, stunned, turned to his lover.

"Do you know," he said, "that has to be the first nice thing you have ever said about him."

Sirius shrugged. He wasn't going to let Snape's past ruin his chances of having a baby, even if it did mean saying _complimentary_ things about him. He was sure he would be able to manage it…if he tried really, really hard…and told a few lies here and there…

He shook his head and turned his attention back to the Healer.

"How do you both feel about having another person carrying your child?" she asked

"I'm completely fine with it," Remus told her happily.

"We trust Harry with our lives," Sirius agreed.

"Admittedly it is a bit…strange? Bizzare?...to know that someone else is going to carry and give birth to our baby," said Remus.

"And we understand that at times it may become quite difficult for us to see him pregnant with our child, knowing that we weren't able to do it ourselves," added Sirius.

"Being pregnant is a part of having a family and so yeah, I guess it _will_ hurt to have missed out on that."

"But we're so grateful that Harry is doing this for us and we know that he'll take the best possible care of himself."

"Whilst Harry won't have a legal claim to the child," the Healer went on, "a few difficulties could still arise. Although it's more likely to happen in traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate is the biological parent, there _have_ been cases concerning host surrogacy where the surrogate has disappeared with the child shortly before giving birth. Now I know you have both expressed a great trust in Harry but we have to keep in mind that there _is_ a possibility that he will become emotionally attached to your baby and will run off."

"We understand that," Sirius said. "But like I said, Harry is a dear friend. I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt us."

"Still though, you should both prepare yourselves," she said delicately. "There is also every chance that he will put up a fight when it's time to hand over the baby. Even though he won't have a claim, it could damage your friendship with him. You need to be aware of all the possible outcomes."

"We do understand that things may change," Remus assured her, "and we'll definitely take into account everything you've said. We don't want to go through this thing doubting him though – he needs to know we trust him, and we do; we trust him with our lives."

"But we'll keep it in mind," Sirius said. "I have every confidence that Harry won't run off or put up a fight…but I also know that it could prove to be very tough on him; he'll do it, but he could find it hard and we more than respect that. We'll be there for him if he needs us."

* * *

Four days later, Harry was lying on the sofa in the small backroom, listening to the patter of rain drops and staring out at the garden. The rain was causing ripples on the surface of the swimming pool and the branches of trees were swaying in the strong wind.

Tristan was in his playpen, chewing on a plastic teething ring and dribbling all over. Occasionally he would look over at Harry and let out a giggle and Harry, who was too drowsy from the potion he'd been taking, would smile at him before turning back to stare out of the large, glass door.

His body felt weak and he wanted nothing more than to just crawl into bed and fall asleep. It wasn't an option until Severus got home though, and so for now Harry was stuck on baby duty.

Sirius and Remus had stopped by that morning, eager to know how he was feeling. They had wanted him to do a pregnancy test but he had shaken his head, insisting it was too soon. Although the Healer at the hospital had said that with the aid of the potion there was a high percentage that Harry would conceive, he didn't want to do anything too early and risk seeing the negative green glow that the pregnancy test could give out.

It was strange to think that there could be life growing inside of him right now – a life that he wasn't even related to. And whilst he respected Sirius and Remus' eagerness and whilst he appreciated their help, he'd quickly found out that he just wanted to spend his time with Severus and their son, enjoying the love and comfort they gave him.

Severus was still acting as if nothing special had happened. He talked to Harry and treated him just the same but whenever Sirius and Remus appeared he would make his excuses and leave, returning only when he was certain they had left. Harry supposed it was easier for Severus to pretend everything was normal, but it didn't stop him worrying; he hated the situation but he didn't regret his decision – he would just have to learn to accommodate everyone, that was all.

Over the howling wind, he heard a _crack_ and he sat up, peering into the kitchen. Severus had just apparated in and he watched as his lover pulled out his wand and cast a drying spell.

"You're back," Harry smiled.

Severus pocketed his wand and entered the room. He kicked off his shoes and sat down next to Harry.

"I missed you," Harry told him. Severus sighed and stared out at the garden, letting his head fall back against the sofa.

Harry hesitated before moving closer. He wasn't sure what mood the other man was in, but he'd sat down next to him so that had to mean something. Right?

Over in his playpen, Tristan babbled.

"Severus, say something," Harry pleaded softly. "Please."

He gave it a few seconds and when Severus still didn't respond, he reached out and gently caressed the man's cheek, feeling rough stubble beneath his fingers. When Severus' eyelids fluttered closed, Harry allowed a smirk to grace his face. Feeling confident, he leant forwards and placed a kiss to the other cheek. Then another, and another.

His lover made a low noise and turned his head slowly to face Harry. Harry grinned at him, happy he'd finally caught his attention, and kissed the long nose. Severus smiled before leaning in and capturing Harry's lips with his own.

The kiss was soft and slow at first, something to be savoured, as Severus gently licked and nibbled at his lips before seeking entry with his tongue, and as that wonderful feeling of excitement began to flood through every nerve of his body, the kiss caught fire and it grew hard and urgent and Harry moaned deeply into Severus' mouth and brought a hand up to tangle in his long, black hair.

Hands ran up his back, then back down again to grip the bottom of his shirt and tug. The kiss, broken only for a brief second to pull the shirt over Harry's head, resumed and Harry found himself lying on his back, his mind completely lost in the feeling of that tongue in his mouth and those hands on his chest, moving, teasing, giving him just what he needed.

He couldn't quite remember the last time they had kissed like this. Ever since Tristan's arrival, Severus had been soft with him, making sure to take his time and worship every inch of Harry's writhing body as if he were something delicate. But not this time.

He whimpered when those lips left his, but gasped as they quickly busied themselves at his neck. Rough hands were rubbing delicious little circles at his hips and then moving back up to caress his sides, kneading his muscles, thumbs gently grazing over peaked nipples…

And then all the sensations disappeared and he opened his eyes (when had he even closed them?) to glare at Severus.

Severus smirked down at him, flung his own shirt to the floor, and straddled Harry's thighs. He then bent forwards and captured a hard nipple between his lips. He swirled his tongue and sucked and nipped and Harry moaned, arching into that mouth. His grip on the back of Severus' head tightened and he bucked his hips as something hot and hard poked at his thigh.

The mouth moved again and returned upwards to worship his neck. Harry held fast to Severus' hair, not wanting his lover to move again and he arched some more, reaching out with his spare hand to run his nails, hard, down Severus' back. He wrapped his legs around the thin waist and brought their hips together, rubbing, thrusting…it felt so _good_…

But then there were fingers at his jeans and something _clicked_ inside his head. He almost sobbed at the realisation but he turned his head and groaned.

"Severus…we can't," he panted.

Severus halted his movements so abruptly that Harry tensed underneath him, fearing for a second that the man would be angry. However, all Severus did was sigh against Harry's neck and push himself away.

"Right," he said. "Of course. The pregnancy."

Harry winced at the look of pain that flashed through Severus' eyes.

"That, and Tristan is in the room," said Harry, nodding towards their son.

"Of course," Severus said again. He collapsed against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.

Harry kissed his shoulder gently. "We could go upstairs and do something else," he suggested.

Severus heaved a heavy sigh and looked at Harry. He kissed him on the lips and stood up.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "I'll go and put dinner on."

Harry watched him leave, hating the sense of emptiness that had so quickly replaced passion. Loss of sex aside, however, he supposed he should have been angry at the knowledge that Severus _clearly_ didn't have a problem sleeping with Harry whilst he was pregnant with someone else's child, but _was_ dead set against him wearing the engagement ring. As it was, he pushed that little fact to the back of his mind, hoping that this was all progress.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you all for reviewing and thank you for your patience. Don't really have much else to say today (which makes a change lol) so...please review!


	8. Lost

**Rating:** M

**Warnings:** Slash, Mpreg, Surrogacy, OOC

**Pairings:** SS/HP and SB/RL

**Genres:** Romance, Drama, Angst

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Chasing Perfection.' Unable to have children, Sirius and Remus ask Harry to become their surrogate, much to the displeasure of Harry's lover, Severus. Can the two of them hold their relationship together when Severus's plans to propose are put to the test? SLASH, MPREG, SSHP, SBRL

* * *

**Chapter 8: Lost**

The piercing cry of his son interrupted his sleep once more. Stumbling out of bed quickly, Severus shrugged on his dressing gown and hurried from the room. Before shutting the door he glanced over his shoulder. Lately, Harry had been having trouble sleeping and the smallest of sounds was enough to wake him up – Severus was glad, therefore, to find that Harry still had his eyes closed, seemingly lost in a deep slumber.

He shut the door gently and crossed the hall to his son's room. He picked up Tristan and cradled him against his chest.

"It's alright, it's alright," he whispered soothingly to the boy, "Father's here."

He glanced around the room for the bottle Harry had prepared earlier and picked it up, glad to feel that the warming charm he had placed on it still kept. He adjusted the baby in his arms, sat down, and brought the bottle to Tristan's mouth. He fussed for a moment longer before settling his screams down to whimpers and feeding.

Despite the lack of sleep, despite the tiredness that had settled in his bones, there was something strangely satisfying about sitting here in the dead of night, feeling the gentle tug on the bottle as Tristan fed. Severus loved making his son happy, just like he loved making Harry happy. He liked that he was needed and wanted. He wasn't sure when this eagerness to please had presented itself but it was there nonetheless and so he did what he could.

He wouldn't have swapped his place in life for anyone else's. Family, something once wished for and then scorned at, had quickly become his everything. Of course, life still had its imperfections and there were things he wanted but couldn't…he'd told Harry he'd wait until they were both ready to have another baby but shaking away the desire wasn't easy…

…And the fact that Harry was two weeks pregnant with someone else's child didn't exactly help matters.

Was it selfish, wanting Harry all to himself? Or was it simply natural? Whatever it was, it didn't change anything.

The day that Harry had opened the door to the bathroom and announced to the room that he was pregnant, Severus had felt a numbness he'd never known before. All emotion had left him. Black and Lupin had gotten to their feet and embraced his lover whilst Severus had stood in the background, not able to think, not able to feel. When Harry's eyes had met his, he'd given a shrug and a small smile, as if he'd been (to use the muggle phrase) on autopilot.

Once their 'guests' had left and they had had the house to themselves, Severus had finally found his voice.

"_Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he'd asked, pulling on his nightshirt._

"_I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't," Harry had replied._

"_But you never think," he'd continued to argue. "You have a habit of acting without thinking. I'm just making sure –"_

"_This isn't a whim, Severus! This is a big deal and I've given it serious thought. You know I have."_

"_You've thought about it, yes," he'd conceded, "But you never actually considered _not_ going through with it. Your mind was made up from the very beginning."_

Severus sighed wearily and looked down at Tristan.

He didn't resent Harry. He wasn't even angry at him, not anymore. It was just…

Another day, another adventure for the famous Harry Potter to embark upon; he'd been through a war, killed a Dark Lord, saved countless lives, become a father, and yet he _still_ wasn't grown up. What would it take for Harry to realise that he wasn't required to solve every one of his friends' problems? That sometimes it was best to just stay out of the way?

His 'saving people thing' had taken him to whole new levels. Of course, there was nothing wrong with stepping in and rescuing a bad situation, but Harry had other things, other people, to think about. He needed to learn how to prioritise. Was his hero complex so important to him that he would jump in front of a killing curse aimed at one of his friends? Or would he remember that he had Severus and Tristan to think about?

Didn't he realise that he couldn't afford to be a hero anymore?

A soft whimpering reached his ears and he shook himself out of his thoughts. Tristan blinked large dark eyes at him and kicked his legs out in front, pulling away from his feed. Severus set the bottle aside and placed the baby near his shoulder, rubbing a hand on his back and patting gently. He got to his feet and paced the room.

He didn't want to look too closely at his feelings regarding Harry and the surrogate pregnancy. He wanted Harry to be happy, and he supposed it was _nice_ of him to be doing this for Black and Lupin. Harry had a good heart, he'd always known that. And he'd known that being with Harry would sometimes force him to watch from the sidelines as his lover went off on some heroic journey.

As for his own happiness? He loved Harry and Harry loved him. He had a lover and a son, something he'd never even dreamed possible. In nine months they could get back to their own lives and could start planning their wedding. In the meantime, well…

He would just have to deal with it, that was all, and as long as they didn't spend too much time around Black and Lupin, he'd be fine. He _needed_ to be fine. After all, there wasn't much he could do about it now. Harry needed him and, unlike Harry, Severus could prioritise. His family came first.

* * *

When Harry entered the kitchen the next morning, Severus was already seated at the table, his eyes fixed on the morning _Prophet_, a piece of dry toast in hand. Tristan, in his Severus' lap, was staring with fascination at Hedwig who held a scroll in her beak; Hedwig, perched at the other end of the table, was staring back with beady eyes.

Harry stepped forwards and freed her of her mail before taking the chair opposite Severus. He poured himself a warm cup of tea and unrolled the scroll.

"It's from Sirius and Remus," he said out loud. "They've invited us to spend Christmas with them."

Harry heard a rustle of newspaper and looked up to find Severus glaring at him warningly.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then," he muttered, reaching for a quill. He scribbled his quick reply down, thanking them for the offer, and set it aside.

On Severus' knee, Tristan reached out grabbing hands towards Hedwig. Hedwig ruffled her feathers rather indignantly and took flight, soaring through the open window. Tristan's lower lip trembled as he watched her go and his eyes began to shine wetly.

"Here, give him to me," Harry said, sensing an outburst on its way. He stood up and held out his arms as Severus passed him the wriggling baby.

As he sat back down he had to stifle a yawn. It had been another restless night and he'd only managed to get a couple of hours sleep here and there. There was just too much on his mind keeping him awake and whenever he did managed to doze off he would be haunted by nightmares. Things hadn't been this bad since the days of Voldemort, although Harry knew it was nothing like that – just a guilty conscience and a whole heap of worry.

He was fairly certain that, so far, his lack of sleep had gone unnoticed by Severus and Harry wanted to keep it that way. There wasn't exactly something he'd be able to do about it – such potions weren't allowed in the early stages of the pregnancy. And besides, Severus would only fret; he had enough to be getting on with without adding Harry's insomnia to the list.

As to the surrogacy…arguments between them had decreased considerably since the pregnancy had been confirmed. Short of having an abortion or (Merlin forbid) a miscarriage, nothing could be done about it now – this was going to happen and Severus finally seemed to have realised that; he hadn't made his peace with it but there was definitely an air of resignation about him. In all honesty though, it was simply best if they just didn't talk about it.

He looked down at Tristan in his lap. With a frown, he noticed that Severus had gotten toast crumbs in the boy's hair. He brushed them away and glanced back up at the table in time to see Severus set the newspaper aside.

"You fancy going out today?" Harry asked. "I was thinking we could make a start on the Christmas shopping whilst all the kids are still at school. It shouldn't be too busy."

"I have nothing else to do, so why not," said Severus, reaching for the teapot. "I need to go to Diagon Alley to get some things anyway."

"D'you think your mum will babysit?"

"Why don't we just take him with us?"

"Because we're getting his presents," said Harry, now bouncing the fussing baby gently on his knee.

"Your point?"

"Well, I don't want him to see them before Christmas," he said. "It'll spoil the surprise."

"Harry," said Severus, "He's a baby."

"So?"

Severus brought a hand to his temple and sighed. "Fine," he said, "We will turn his pram around when we select his gifts."

Harry worried his lip. "Are you sure he'll be alright in the Wizarding World? What if someone tries to jinx him?"

"We'll place protective spells around him."

"What about the weather? It's too cold for him to be out that long."

It was, in fact, quite sunny for November, but Harry had opened the bedroom window earlier to feel a bitter chill biting at his hands. Briefly, he wondered how muggle parents wrapped their babies up warm enough to face such weather, but his thoughts were interrupted by Severus, who was moaning about Harry being a dense idiot. He wondered what the difference was between an 'idiot' and a 'dense idiot' before finally agreeing to take Tristan with them.

* * *

Upon arriving in Diagon Alley it quickly became apparent that they weren't the only ones who had had the idea of doing their shopping before the kids came home for Christmas. All along the street, witches and wizards were nipping in and out of shops, nattering to one another, bags full-to-bursting held in tight grips or floating in thin air behind them. Shop windows were decked in red, green, and gold, and mistletoe and holly wreathes were hanging from practically every available surface. At the far end, just outside the bank, were a group of carollers singing festive songs that Harry wasn't too familiar with but, he was sure, Molly Weasley would have appreciated greatly.

Apart from home and Hogwarts, Diagon Alley was his favourite place to be. Perhaps it was because Diagon Alley had been his first real adventure into the magical world, but there was just something about being here that made him feel welcome. It was so traditional and old-fashioned, yet it was always advancing with the times, with new shops popping up here and there.

Harry set off down the cheerful street, pushing the pram in front of him. Severus fell into step beside him, scowling every now and then at the red and gold woolly hat that Harry had placed on Tristan's head. Harry had compromised by allowing Severus to wrap the baby in a dark green blanket but underneath that, Tristan was dressed in his warmest clothes – the ones that were red and green and had little stars on them. Severus thought he looked like a muggle Christmas elf, but Harry thought he looked adorable and couldn't wait to go into a shop and show him off.

"Fancy an ice-cream?" he asked, nodding towards Florean Fortsecue's.

"Do I look like the type of man who eats ice-cream?"

"Oh, come on," said Harry, "live a little."

"It's freezing," he pointed out.

"So? We'll eat inside."

"That's not what I meant," he replied.

Harry stuck out his bottom lip and pouted. When Severus rolled his eyes, he smiled triumphantly and headed for the ice-cream parlour.

"You're a stubborn brat, you know that?" Severus said, sliding into the plastic chair opposite Harry. "And who eats ice-cream at this time of year?"

"We do," Harry smiled. "Here's your menu." He handed the magically laminated card to Severus and looked down at his own; everything from Chocolate and Vanilla to Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans-endorsed flavours were on offer and Harry felt very much spoilt for choice. Coconut, marmalade…oh, blueberry sounded good…

After they had ordered (and Mr. Fortescue had cooed over Tristan), they sat back in their chairs and watched the witches and wizards hurrying passed outside the window, Severus glaring and Harry smiling at anyone who pointed at them. Tristan lay quietly in his pram, his big eyes darting everywhere, taking everything in.

When their order arrived, Harry was distracted for a few moments as he watched Severus delicately eating his raspberry sorbet. His public table manners were far more improved than the ones he used at home, Harry noticed. He tried to think back to the last time they'd actually gone out for a meal together but the only thing that came to mind was Ron and Hermione's engagement party and wedding. Did it count as a date when there were that many friends involved?

Shaking his head to himself, he pulled his spoon towards him and started on his own scoops of lemon and blueberry ice-cream.

"I have no idea what to get Ron and Hermione for Christmas," he said. "Do I still have to get them individual presents now that they're married or do I get them something they could use as a couple?"

"I have absolutely no idea," Severus replied, sounding as if he couldn't have cared less.

"And what do I get for Sirius and Remus?" he went on. "_That's_ going to be weird. And what about Dumbledore? And your mother? Do you know what she wants? And we're going to have to buy some cards to send out to everyone. How many do we need?"

"Are you always like this when you go shopping?" Severus asked, exasperated.

"Regretting coming already?" Harry grinned.

Severus ignored him and returned to his sorbet.

"Is your mum coming for Christmas dinner or will it be just the three of us?" he asked.

"I haven't asked her. Do you want me to?"

Harry shrugged. "Only if you want to."

"Then no," he said. "I'd rather it was just you, me, and Tristan. It _is_ his first Christmas after all. It should be just the three of us."

The lemon ice-cream that Harry had just swallowed suddenly seemed to sit painfully cold in his stomach. He averted his eyes from Severus and looked down at his dessert. There'd been something in Severus' voice, something in the way he'd said that last piece…_it should be just the three of us_…

It _should_ be, Harry thought. It _should_ be just the three of them. But there was a baby growing inside him that didn't belong to Severus, that didn't belong to him…

Harry didn't regret his decision – in his mind and in his heart he felt that he was doing the right thing – but he hated the way it kept being brought up like that, as if it was some huge betrayal. He hated the way it was making Severus feel and he hated that he couldn't do anything about it.

"I think we should get Albus a hat for Christmas," said Severus, scooping sorbet onto his spoon.

Harry looked up. "What?"

"A hat," he repeated. "For Albus. He likes hats – the more flamboyant, the better. If I didn't know any better I'd swear he was gay."

The next few hours were spent browsing the shops, buying everything they thought they could use as a gift. Severus picked out the most colourful hat he could find for the Headmaster (but spared himself the embarrassment of buying it by making Harry pay for it at the counter), and loaded up on an assortment of shortbread and Scotch Whisky for McGonagall.

Harry, at a complete loss for what to get anyone this year, finally decided that Quidditch tickets were the way to go for Ron and that a book was the way to go for Hermione, which Severus thankfully helped with choosing – a nice little collection of books on the more advanced household spells that covered everything from cooking and cleaning to…_doing stuff_…in the bedroom; Harry was fairly confident Hermione wouldn't have learnt any of _that_ from Molly's kitchen books. And, he'd pointed out to Severus, it was something Ron and Hermione could use as a couple.

Sirius and Remus had been rather harder to shop for. What did you get for the parents of the baby you were carrying? He'd tried to think of them as just Sirius and Remus – his godfather and ex-professor – but being pregnant with their baby made it slightly difficult to do. And Severus had been no help whatsoever in suggesting he get them a dog lead and collar. In the end, he'd settled for a selection of chocolates and a nice bottle of aftershave for each of them.

It was a dressing gown and slippers for Eileen Snape (it was what Ron got for Molly every other year) but Harry managed to persuade Severus to get her something special from himself and eventually he had decided upon a nice clock.

Tristan, who should have been the easiest to shop for, turned out to be the most difficult. Harry had just tossed anything that looked cute into their shopping basket – toys, teddies, clothes…they'd even gone out into the muggle world where Harry had bought an adorable baby reindeer costume, complete with a face and antlers on the hood…but Severus had taken his time, examining everything he picked up, sniffing, shaking, squeezing, reading all the instructions that were written on the boxes and bags.

Eventually, Severus had declared themselves finished for the day and they'd floo'd home from The Leaky Cauldron weighed down with bags.

* * *

Severus stood back, arms folded, as he watched Harry place the gold star on top of the Christmas tree. Big, bright baubles, gaudy tinsel in all colours of the rainbow, it was possibly one of the most tackiest things Severus had ever seen. The whole room was decorated for the festive season, with muggle fairy lights pinned around the windows, red and green streamers stuck to the ceiling, snowmen ornaments, fake snow, singing teddy bears...and he had a horrible, dreadful feeling that a large, plastic Father Christmas, complete with sleigh and a couple of reindeers, was sitting right outside the window in the _front_ garden, of all places. _Oh. Dear. God. _Not even the beaming smile on Tristan's face was worth this sort of torture.

"Are you _trying_ to kill me?" he asked, glancing around in distaste at what was supposed to be his living room.

"Oh, come on Sev," said Harry, "Look at his face. He loves it!"

"He's a child, of course he loves it. You could wrap tinsel and lights round a house-elf and you'd still get the same reaction out of him."

Harry giggled and shifted the baby in his arms.

"Lighten up, Severus," he said, quite fondly. "Where's your Christmas spirit?"

"Residing in the same place as my love for Valentine's Day, bright clothing, and all things Weasley," he replied.

Laughing again, Harry moved forwards and kissed him on the cheek. He then pressed the baby into his arms.

"I'm going to go and run myself a nice, hot bath," he told him. "You can stay here with your son and admire the decorations."

"Don't be too surprised if you come back down and they've all been mysteriously destroyed," Severus called out after him.

When the door had closed, Severus looked down at Tristan and then back up at the room again. It could have been worse, he supposed. Harry could have dressed the _whole_ house in lights. He could have built a Santa's Grotto in the garden.

He quickly walked to the window and looked out just to be on the safe side. No Grotto, but the plastic reindeer display wasn't really _that_ much better.

"The things I put up with," he muttered, shaking his head. When he decided his eyes couldn't take anymore, he turned away from the window and sat down on the sofa, jumping slightly when a red teddy bear started to sing _'We Wish You a Merry Christmas.'_

The smile on Tristan's face was the only thing that stopped Severus from setting the toy on fire. He therefore gritted his teeth and tried to shut the hideous noise out.

_If people could see me now_, he thought bitterly, but then, almost at once, the bitterness was gone. So what if people could see him now? He had a beautiful baby boy and a gorgeous, caring fiancé. He had more than Malfoy, more than Avery, more than Mulciber…right now, he even had more than Black and Lupin. As soon as this surrogacy business was over, he would be getting married to the man he loved.

"Biba," Tristan gurgled, reaching for the singing bear.

"That's right," Severus said absently, patting him on the head.

Maybe he should give Harry the engagement ring back? After all the fuss Harry had made earlier on in the year about wanting to get married, the ring had to mean a lot to him. Maybe he could –

"Sev?"

Damn that dratted being, interrupting his thoughts!

"Yes, Harry?" he called back, wearily.

"Could you come up here? I have something for you."

"Yes, Harry," he called out again. "Come on, Tristan. Let's get you to bed. Daddy's being a nuisance."

Once Tristan and the singing teddy bear were safely tucked up in the cot, Severus made for his own bedroom. The smell of scented candles reached his nostrils the moment he opened the door and he was fairly certain he could hear low music coming from the bathroom.

Glancing suspiciously at the bathroom door, he crossed the room and pushed it open.

All about the room were soft, glowing candles, flickering with life, giving off the sweetest smells. Music was, indeed, playing, although it was music Severus had never heard…slow, quiet, instrumental…_possibly muggle_, he thought. Rose petals were scattered across the tiled floor, a trail of flowers leading to where Harry sat perched against the edge of the deep, bubble-filled bath, wearing nothing more than a smile.

"Care to join me?" he asked, his eyes alight.

"Are you trying to be romantic?" asked Severus, choosing not to answer.

The smile on Harry's face grew cheeky. "Is it working?"

Severus swept the room with his eyes once more. "Yes," he replied. "Although I hope you don't expect anything in return."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Just get in the bath."

Severus grinned and stripped himself of his clothes. He stepped into the bath and settled into the hot water with a peaceful sigh. Harry hopped in after him and settled between his legs.

"I'm not squashing your bits am I?" he asked, leaning back against Severus's chest.

"My bits are quite safe," he replied.

He closed his eyes and lay his head against the tub. It had been a long time since he'd allowed himself the luxury of a relaxing bath.

After a long moment of contented silence (except for the music, of course, which seemed never-ending) he felt Harry beginning to move. After a few splashes, he opened his eyes and saw Harry soaping himself up. Feeling as though this was all rather a cliché, he sat up and reached for the flannel.

"Let me do that," he said. Harry handed him the bar of soap and sat still as Severus washed his back.

"You're a brave man, Severus. You know that?"

Harry had spoken so quietly that Severus almost hadn't caught it.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The baby," he replied. "Not a lot of men would allow their partner to do something like this."

Severus wasn't sure how to respond so he focused himself on Harry's back; it had been so long since he'd felt those muscles beneath his fingers that it wasn't all that hard to do.

"I know that it may feel like a betrayal, but it's not," Harry continued. "I love you, and I know that I always will. And if I hurt you then I'm sorry – I don't mean to make you feel like this."

Still, Severus didn't reply. He dipped the flannel underneath the water and began to rinse off the soap from Harry's back.

"You and Tristan are the most important people in my life…and if I do things that make it seem otherwise then I'm sorry for that, too."

_I know you are_, Severus thought. _I know you're sorry and I love you and I don't hold anything against you._ But the words stuck in his throat and as Harry turned to look at him, he was lost, lost because Harry looked so lost, like he needed reassurance, and Severus did the only thing he could think of. He captured Harry's lips with his own and proceeded to lose himself in an entirely different way.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry!! I know it's been forever since the last update, but it was a combination of writer's block, holiday, and a computer virus. There's a note on my profile explaining, but I have to have my computer wiped so I'm stuck with using my brother's computer whenever he decides to let me until mine's sorted.

Anyways, half this chapter was written _ages_ ago, and half was written today. Can you tell? lol, oh well.

Thank you for the reviews. I really like reading the difference of opinions you all have on the subject of surrogacy. I know it's a bit of a controversail issue (perhaps in some Countries more than others?) but I wanted to attempt to tackle it, give myself a bit of a challenge. So thank you all for reading and reviewing and I'll update as soon as I can_._


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